Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Advice: Feeling Guilty About Disability

In a way I feel guilty about having the physical disability that I do, because there are people that have it much much worse than me. And in a way I feel like I should have it worse, or that I could trade it with someone that’s not able to walk. Because the extent of my CP is that I had and should still have to wear special leg braces to help me walk correctly but I no longer do because they hurt my legs and were too expensive. I can’t run more than 10 minutes without my legs hurting to the point where I have to sit. I can’t stand for more than 3 hours at a time without having to sit or my legs hurt for the next three days. My knees pop constantly and so do my hips. When I sleep my hip locks up to where I can’t move my leg at all until someone come to help me straighten my leg or I get out of bed and stand up to get it to go back to place. When I go up or down the stairs my knees hit together because they’re turned inward. And I can’t do stretches involving my legs or have my legs straight up in the air because my legs don’t bend that way. They just stop. I feel incredibly guilty because there are people that have CP and can’t walk and are in wheelchairs or have to use walkers. Some of them can’t talk or even see. And I feel like I should’ve had it a lot worse than what I do. It’s not fair to those that have it worse.

It’s natural to feel negative things from time to time. Know that you are not alone in your feelings. Surround yourself with people who love you, who will remind you of all the amazing things about you. Do something nice for yourself just because. Watch your favorite movie. Read your favorite book. Eat your favorite food. Life IS difficult. And it’s also awesome. It’s normal to experience both extremes and everything in between. I have CP as well, and I’m always here if you need to talk.

Hey, thank you for replying to that text post and being really nice about it, I don't know it just makes me feel awful that other people have it so much worse than I do

No problem!  
Everybody has rough days.  No matter who they are.  Able-bodied or not.  More involved CP or not.  Suffering and severity of disability are not mutually exclusive.  Honestly, we all have struggles.  Conversely, though, we all have awesome days, too!  Based on your post, I suppose you could say that I’m one of those people who is technically physically “worse off” than you.  That said, using crutches to walk short distances and a wheelchair the rest of the time is the only life I know, and I’m happy with it.  
I hope it’s okay to offer a different perspective.  
It’s totally okay to have down days.  Don’t make it worse for yourself by feeling guilty on top of it.  Especially when a lot of us who have it “worse” are used to our lives as they are.  We have grown up adapting.  We are really okay.
And it’s really okay for you to feel however you feel.

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