That’s so frustrating. My parents always were pushing me to BE independent and do things (even if I wasn’t able to physically do them in some cases.) But some of my extended family behaved toward me like your family is treating you. I’m sorry about that, first of all. You deserve to have as much independence as possible.
I’d say, focus on what you can control, first of all. Having control over your own life is important, and so difficult if you feel like you are constantly being hovered over or stifled. You may have to start with small things. Then once you start, try adding something to your list every day. Even if it seems small. (For example: Did you pick out what you wore today? Do you decide where you go around the house? Do you have time to yourself to do things you enjoy?)
Also, is there anyone in your family who you can talk to about your desire for independence? Accessible housing exists, and I’d suggest searching for it in your area, if it’s something you want.
If it’s possible you can also try talking to your family about certain things you want to try doing yourself away from the moment they’re happening. (Want to help around the house? Bring it up before cleaning happens. Suggest things you CAN do. Wiping a surface, setting out silverware, folding laundry, for example.)
Remember that there is nothing wrong with you. Being disabled is not a bad thing. Your desire for independence is natural. You should be treated like an adult because you ARE an adult. I hope this helps!