1,124 words
9 minute read
TW: GIF warning
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Tony-award winning Broadway performer, Ali Stroker has been making headlines in recent years. In 2015, she was the first person in a wheelchair to perform on Broadway (as Anna in Deaf West's revival of Spring Awakening,) and in 2019, she was the first person in a wheelchair to win a Tony Award (for her role as Ado Annie in Oklahoma!)
Now, she's making headlines again, as the first disabled actress to star in a Lifetime film (Christmas Ever After, which aired this past Sunday and had people all over my social media saying they felt seen.)
Unfortunately, I'm without cable so I haven't been able to see it yet...but fortunately, I have been a fan of Ali Stroker's since 2012.
I was a very different person at this point in my life. Zero connection to the disability community. But seeing Ali was connection for me.
My life was changed in a major way eight years ago. So major that I wrote to her to tell her about it...
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Email written to Ali Stroker on December 11, 2012:
Dear Ali,
I don't know if you will receive this, but I wanted to do what I could to let you know how much the video "One" (and more specifically, your willingness to be featured in it) has meant to me. I've been a fan of yours since The Glee Project - always admired and have remembered your confidence and refusal to let anything hold you back.
I watched Dani's video for "One" last night and found myself surprised and delighted when I saw you revealed.
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| [Image is: A GIF from Dani's music video, "One" where they, and Ali are together in the water. Both are smiling.] |
In my lifetime (I'm 31) I don't believe I've ever seen anything that depicts two [people] who are genuinely in love that ISN'T a TV show or a musical - and even those are rare. I have also never seen anything that shows a woman in a wheelchair, who is in love.
I heard a great quote the other day in an interview with Adam Lambert. He said that now that marriage equality is coming into people's awareness, everyone is asking him if he wants that for himself. He said that he "never grew up seeing that as a possibility for himself," because there were no role models for him in the media or otherwise. That maybe, kids growing up today, who are a little different will understand that marriage is a possibility for them, too.
In a way, that's what "One" has meant to me. It's the beginning of a dialogue between parents and children. It's hope for teenagers. And it's that glimmer of possibility for those of us born in a generation where we just didn't see ourselves represented anywhere.
I was born with Cerebral Palsy which means that the muscles in my legs are not as strong as an average person's. It also affects my balance. I use Canadian crutches or a manual wheelchair to get around.
I also (two years ago) finally admitted to myself that I find women pretty. I don't know what this means, really, because I have never been in a relationship with either a guy or a girl. I just know there's a spark there when I look at certain girls that has never ignited when I looked at any guy. Admitting that, even to my twin sister, a cousin and three friends, was difficult. I was devastated when a friend I had counted among my closest admitted she was still closed-minded about anything "outside the box." I know it can be terrifying to show yourself in such an honest and real way. I imagine there will be some negativity, because unfortunately, it is the world we live in. But focus on the positive, as it seems you are so adept at doing, and know that there are those of us in the world who support you, regardless.
My point is, your willingness to put yourself out there in Dani's video has given me hope - both as a woman in a wheelchair, and as someone who is a bit outside the norm in terms of who I am attracted to. If you can find love with someone who sees YOU and not the chair...someone who loves you, regardless of whatever's in your past...then I feel the same can be true for me someday. Thank you for being so brave, and showing how a relationship between two people who really love each other can work, regardless of labels or limitations.
Please share this with Dani, as well, if you can. Both of you need to know how absolutely necessary this video is. Maybe this way, little girls like I was can grow up not wishing to magically "get strong enough" to not need crutches or a wheelchair. Maybe they will be able to look at you, and realize that there is someone else who endured hospitalization and surgery and rehabilitation at a young age. Maybe, they will look at you and Dani and see the same hope for their future that I see for mine. Maybe they will see that, wheelchair or not, someone is out there, who will love them for them. Maybe they will be inspired by both of you to be confident. Maybe they won't feel like they are intrinsically less than for looking at a classmate the same gender as they are. Maybe they'll be confident enough to buy shoes and jeans from the boys department as a teenager without feeling weird inside.
Bottom line? I'm not as brave as either one of you. But your video shows me that maybe I can be. That anything is possible. Maybe I can come out to my family, eventually. Maybe my heart will stop racing when I post something in support of gay rights on my Facebook, where many of my friends are conservative Christians, some of whom have narrow views of what is okay.
Bottom line?
At the very least, you [both] have started a much-needed conversation. And even if people are still stuck in their hypothetical boxes, there is a seed that's been planted in their consciousnesses because of both of you. And at most, you have marked the first time I've been blessed enough see an honest-to-God example of happiness and possibility that is specific to me. For the first time in 31 years, I feel represented. I feel seen. I feel heard. And I cannot thank you enough.
Love and light to both of you,
Tonia
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NOTE: Ali did see this email and forwarded it to Dani, who responded to me a couple of months later.
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ETA: As of 2021, Ali Stroker has also written her debut middle grade novel: The Chance to Fly.
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