2,566 words
20 minute read
TW: GIF Warning
Reference to drug use
Discussion of mental illness (emotional neglect, depression)
Reference to murder by drowning
Discussion of suicide attempt
Spoilers for Season 2 and 3 of 13 Reasons Why
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Both Alex, and the show's antagonist Bryce are complex characters. They shared a bit of screen time and even hung out on rare occasions. Tara and I felt a post about them was necessary to unpack some important topics, like drug use, mental illness, dignity of risk and more.
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In 3x05, Alex and Bryce bond over the isolation and alienation each feels, and get high together.
We’ve read in What Happened to You (a book about trauma by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey) that drug use is always a coping mechanism.
Do we think that’s the case here?
TARA: Drugs and alcohol are often used as self-medication, yes. And I can see that being the case for both Alex and Bryce. For Bryce, they are used as emotional anesthetics. And for Alex, steroids may curb his depression by enhancing his body.
TONIA: I think loneliness is powerful. It sounds cliche, but people do need people.
Bryce, in particular, has become a pariah in the aftermath of the sexual assault case against him. Using drugs is a way to escape that reality. And dealing drugs is a way to ensure people stay close.
Their friendship is weird. Alex was accepted by Bryce’s crowd before his suicide attempt. Afterward, (as we saw in Alex’s Birthday,) Bryce was among the people kids who taunted Alex with ableist remarks, couched in niceness.
Now, Alex does rely on Bryce to get drugs, but also for companionship. He’s been struggling in his romantic relationships because of a whole host of reasons, and Alex isn’t happy with himself.
In short, I do think they’re both coping with a lot, and both lack emotional support and mental health help they need to deal with what’s actually going on in their lives.
Whew. That was long-winded.
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Do we want to talk about Alex, Bryce, and risk and consequences? I know we touched a bit on Alex’s dignity of risk earlier in the series. Is there more to say?
TONIA: Bryce’s one rule to the peers he keeps around him is “Keep me clean.” This means these peers are supposed to take the fall for Bryce always. In Season 1, Alex overhears Bryce raping Hannah at a party. He dispassionately asks Monty, “Who is that?” as he’s able to hear the girl.
Monty checks and passes along that it’s Bryce and a girl in the hot tub. Alex comments, “Must be a desperate sl*t at this hour…”
Though it’s common knowledge that all of Bryce’s relationships are based in power and control, because of that power, and the social capital Bryce possesses, none of his peers want to hold him accountable.
There is no thought on Monty or Alex’s part to check on the girl’s well-being, or tell an adult.
Bryce is free to grope girls, rape them (he admitted to raping as many as ten) to drink and get drunk in front of his parents, to do drugs without consequence. He badly beats a classmate. For all of this, he receives minimal consequences, if any.
Due to Bryce’s privilege, when he gets three months’ probation for raping classmate, Jessica, he feels that serving that “punishment” is sufficient. Once three months have passed, he fully expects to be able to move on as though nothing had happened.
This is due, in large part, to his being constantly shielded and protected from taking any responsibility. So any additional consequences he gets, even minor ones, feel big.
Bryce’s refrain in the last half of Season 3 is that he is “trying to move on, but no one will let me.” He sees himself as a victim, even after taking massive risks and really harming other people in the process.
Tara, do you want to contrast this with Alex again?
TARA: It’s interesting that, while Bryce is largely consequence-averse, Alex seems to crave accountability. We see this first when faced with a lack of consequences when the tapes and subsequently the subpoenas came out. When Deputy Standall mentioned getting Alex out of testifying the first time, this seemed to directly lead to Alex’s suicide attempt.
As far as dignity of risk goes, we do see a lot of risk-taking with Alex. (Fighting, drinking and substance use, impulsive behaviors.) We also see a fair bit of protection / overprotection and restriction. (Diet, first-person shooter games, even getting a job at Baker Drug was initially questioned. Not to mention the cover-up of Bryce’s murder, which seems to have been done without Alex’s consent.)
TONIA: It’s interesting that we’ve pointed out how Bryce has coerced those around him to shield him from any responsibility, whereas for Alex, the shielding has always happened against his will.
Alex mentions the weight of his own guilt several times. He wants to own up to what he did, but he is actually made to feel guilt for that in response. Alex is reminded, regardless of how gently, that many of his friends and his dad have put everything on the line for him.
They are determined to give Alex a life outside of prison, whether Alex wants it or not, which we touched on briefly in Alex's Relationship with His Dad.
This seems to be a huge example of the trope that Nondisabled People Know Better. In this trope, consent of the disabled person does not matter because of the (wrong) belief that nondisabled people know better than a disabled person what’s good for them.
Alex is constantly protected from consequences. So is Bryce, but Bryce had the freedom and the power to make that happen for himself. Whereas Alex is made a bystander in his own life.
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| [Alex pounds a locker and asks angrily: "Why is everyone protecting me?"] |
TARA: And this is a sensitive issue, but “13” does walk the line between really showing the value of a disabled person’s life while also taking away Alex’s autonomy in his serious consideration of another suicide attempt after killing Bryce.
Instead, his friends - who have enormous distrust in all types of authority figures - concoct an elaborate cover-up and alternate theory for Bryce’s murder. They even enlist the help of Deputy Standall, who destroys evidence to help his son.
As far as we see on the show, Alex is never consulted. He is saved and then forced to live not only with the guilt of his actions, but also with the knowledge that his friends and father made themselves accomplices. So, telling his truth would also mean that consequences would befall Alex’s loved ones.
In Season 2, it is mentioned that Alex is seeing a counselor. But we don’t see any type of aftercare for him following this second close call at a suicide attempt.
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We see Alex struggle with depression throughout the series - particularly having to do with the tapes, which played a pivotal role in Alex’s decision to attempt to take his own life.
Post-injury in Season 2, we see Alex listening to the tapes again. Since he has amnesia due to his suicide attempt, he cannot recall listening to them initially. Because he wants to be deemed fit to testify in the court case against the school district, Alex forces himself to listen to the tapes several more times. Ultimately, he is deemed unfit to testify.
In Season 3, Bryce asks Tony if he can listen to copies of the tapes. He has an emotional reaction to hearing them for the first time, and quickly slides toward depression himself.
Let’s talk about privilege, trauma, emotional labor and depression. How does Alex’s brain injury factor in?
TONIA: What a complex question. I love it.
Recently, we did rewatch Bryce’s arc, I guess you’d call it. Where he begins coming to an awareness that he needs help because he “doesn’t know how to be.”
It’s quite clear to us that Bryce suffered from emotional neglect all through his life, including his babyhood, because his mother experienced postpartum depression after Bryce was born. She is, in fact, explicit about not holding, not loving, and even blaming baby Bryce for “not needing her” when she finally made her way out of that depression.
Being aware of the pain he caused others meant facing some uncomfortable and / or painful realities for the first time. Bryce fumbles in his attempts to set things right (by doing what was modeled for him and throwing money or material things at others’ gaping wounds and hoping that will be sufficient.)
During one such attempt to make amends, he tells Tony, “I think about Hannah every day.” Tony challenges Bryce: “Really? What do you think about her?” Tony comes to realize Bryce has never bothered to listen to the tapes, despite them having been posted online for two months.
Bryce says he’ll listen now. He does. One time. (With Tony at his side the whole time...speaking of emotional labor and trauma.) And Bryce has an immediate and strong reaction (due in large part to his working with a counselor and having been made aware of emotions both in himself and other people.
“Maybe I should be dead,” he says.
“Maybe no one should be,” Tony counters.
Because of wealth and privilege, Bryce gets to largely shirk the responsibility of hearing the harm he caused a classmate. When, as Tony so aptly puts it, “They’re all your tapes.”
Unused to feelings or being held accountable for his actions, Bryce is quickly overwhelmed. On Tony’s advice to “deal with your shit,” Bryce wastes no time in making things as right as possible. But he does not consider the possibility that Hannah’s mom and Jessica may not be ready for this.
He is still so emotionally immature and quite self centered at this point (early in his self-discovery), that all that matters to Bryce is Bryce’s feelings. He needs to feel better. He needs to be able to say the right things and do the right things, so he feels relief.
Tara, do you want to contrast this with Alex’s experience?
TARA: Bryce’s privilege allowed him to listen to the tapes a total of one time through, months after they were recorded.
Alex, on the other hand, has listened to the set of tapes multiple times. A few of these times were prior to his suicide attempt, while the rest of them took place afterward. The court required Alex (who had initially been subpoenaed) to be cleared by a doctor to testify in the case against the school district, due to his brain injury. Memory issues forced him to relive the trauma on the tapes that contributed to his own suicide attempt over and over, while he struggled to recall the details.
Alex’s brain injury as well as the requirements of an ableist court system compelled him to perform an exorbitant amount of emotional labor, only to be ultimately deemed unfit to testify.
Being confronted with new physical limits after an injury - particularly after such draining cognitive and emotional labor - can definitely contribute to depression, as we see with Alex in Season 2.
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In 3x13, it is revealed that Alex overpowered Bryce, who was injured, and pushed him off a pier and into the water below. He and Jessica then watched as Bryce struggled and drowned.
Is this yet another portrayal of the Violent TBI Survivor? Why or why not?
TONIA: I think it’s easy to see that portrayal, yes.
I’ve always really struggled with it because there are so many possibilities for that aspect of the show -- as one of the characters, Ani says, “Everyone had their reasons [for wanting antagonist Bryce dead.]” And yet, Alex is the one that did it.
I get that it’s possible. I just think it also further alienates disabled folks and, perhaps, puts us in more danger.
The only thing that makes it remotely palatable for me (which is to say, not much) is that it’s clearly not just about his TBI. Alex has been using steroids, which contribute to his actions.
TARA: At a glance, this scene does appear to tick all of those boxes. However, Alex as a character was allowed to develop and grow over episodes and seasons. We, as an audience, got to know his personality, insecurities and motivations. Alex’s connection to Bryce has been complex and fraught since Season 1, prior to Alex’s injury and suicide attempt. I think the storyline was well thought out, and it made sense.
Moreover, after Bryce’s drowning, Alex is not portrayed as a monster. We see, due to his steroid use, his short temper sometimes veers into emotional abuse. But he is not someone that people actively and consistently fear. Instead, he is someone his friends and family endeavor to protect - but again, without veering into pity stereotypes.
TONIA: What you said about Alex not being portrayed as a monster after he pushes Bryce off the pier is really resonating.
Because, wouldn’t it be easy to villainize Alex after something like this -- especially with the stereotype and how it relates to Alex’s brain injury? So, it does seem notable that we’re not reminded at every turn that Alex is a monster.
It’s a big topic and a difficult scene to watch, but I think your comments do make me feel a bit better about the portrayal.
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We hear Alex repeatedly described as “kind”. Even, “the kindest person I know.” This perception of him seems to matter more than what Alex is actually capable of AND what he craves accountability for.
Can we talk about how the Nondisabled Gaze impacts how Alex is seen?
TONIA: Killing Bryce is seen as widely “justifiable” because of the perception of him that existed: Bryce was the villain. Bryce hurt people.
We as an audience need our world to make sense: good people and bad. Heroes and villains. Disabled people are often portrayed as angelic simply BECAUSE we are disabled.
We see that no matter what else Alex is or does, he is stuck in others’ perception of him.
TARA: First, I can definitely see how the Nondisabled Gaze played a part in this particular storyline for Alex. The tagline for Season 3 was “Who Killed Bryce Walker?” and ultimately, I think, it was someone people least suspected - myself included.
People with disabilities are viewed in all sorts of problematic ways - as pitiable, frail, helpless, manipulative or even as fakers of disability. And TBI survivors, in particular, are often seen as violent.
Alex, a rather delicate white teen, however, would be given the benefit of the doubt more readily, due to his privilege and associated stereotypes.
Secondly, though, I have to say - because “13” is a show that lives in the gray areas of life - that Alex can be both “the kindest person” known to one person and capable of killing a different person. And I think that “13 Reasons Why” showed us both of those sides of Alex.
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Have you seen 13 Reasons Why on Netflix?
Did reading our conversation about Alex and Bryce help you realize anything or notice anything you hadn't registered before?
We'd love to hear from you in the comments.
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