The Proof Is In The Picture

319 words

3 minute read

While hunting for a picture for Throwback Thursday, I found this.

Pretty cute, right?

Nice crown.  Nice Cookie Monster shirt.  Nice 5-year-old me.

You can't necessarily tell anything's amiss, except for the strange placement of my arms.  That's because I'm hanging onto the closest cabinet handles behind me for dear life.  So that my walker (which I used then to get around) would not be in this picture.

I was often photographed like this as a child.  In fact, I even remember asking the photographer who took my senior pictures if there was a way to take them so that my crutches and wheelchair were never shown.  And, as per my request, there is no evidence of either one.

Is there something inherently wrong with asking to be photographed without these things?

No, not necessarily.

Except that I remember feeling that I was "better" this way.  More acceptable.  People in my life were already telling me so.  And I, being so young, believed them.  It's shocking that at such a young age, I already had so much internalized ableism going on.

So, what can you do?  You, who, perhaps, have a 5-year-old in your own life, who you love and cherish more than words?

1) Take photographs with whole body focus, not just close up.

2) Look at them afterward, and compliment that 5-year-old's smile, but also use positive language about their walker/wheelchair/breathing tube/glasses.  ("Look at how nice you look!  And look at how great your walker looks!  See how shiny it is?  It does a great job helping you stand up, doesn't it?")

3)  Pay attention to the language you use when filming your child.  When going in for a close up, try not to say, "Look at that!  Just your face!  We can't see your wheelchair or anything.  It's better that way, isn't it?"  Instead, ask them to smile, or talk to them about something they like.

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Re: Stop Telling Me I'm Pretty for a Girl in a Wheelchair

182 words

1 minute read

For me, Stop Telling Me I'm Pretty for a Girl in a Wheelchair was a revelation, because it made me realize I'm not the only one.

I'm not the only one who's received the comment (behind my back) "It's too bad she's in a wheelchair.  She's so pretty."  I'm not the only one who has been told "good job" for simply walking with my crutches from one place to another.  I'm not the only one who's been asked "What's wrong?", "What happened?" or "Can I pray for you?" more times than I can count.

Let me explain something.

A wheelchair is not a bad thing.  A wheelchair is an awesome thing.  A wheelchair gives me the ability to go places faster, to save my strength, to travel long distances...  It's not too bad.  But it's too bad so many people out there can't see that my wheelchair does not trap me, it liberates me.

It's not too bad.  Nothing is wrong with me.  Nothing happened.  So I don't need to be fixed.

I am not a burden.

I am a human being.

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Advice: Encouragement Toward Disability-Related Goals

176 words

1 minute read

Did it feel okay for people to pray for (or encourage you toward) reaching goals that were specific to your disability? Like for [my nephew] being able to walk or communicate?

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Depends on the way it's done, honestly. If the goals are realistic, then yes, I'd say so...but don't make them the be all and end all, you know? Celebrate the small victories, just as much as the big ones. Accept the communication he IS using as well as teaching him more. And if you (your family) can give him lots of control, that's awesome. Kids with disabilities often feel a lack of control over their bodies and the amount of pain they experience (due to surgeries or therapy.) So let him choose between 2 things whenever possible.






While I get that goal-setting is totally important, and meaningful, and will help in the long run, be sure he is loved and affirmed for who he is. Because he's [your nephew]. Not because he can walk. Or communicate in a traditional way.

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Re: Teaching Your Child to Show Love and Respect to Individuals with Special Needs

436 words

3 minute read

Overall, I think, Teaching Your Child to Show Love and Respect to Individuals with Special Needs was great. I love the encouragement to have a conversation with kids about how everyone is different. Has different talents, different ways of doing things, etc. I loved the emphasis on teaching acceptance of people with disabilities just the way we are. (There is nothing wrong with saying "disabilities." "Special needs" can come off a bit patronizing, though.)


Along those lines, always ask the person with the disability what terminology they are comfortable with. Some of us may say "people with disabilities" others may say "disabled" others are comfortable using the word "handicapped" or "crippled." It varies from person to person. No two of us are alike.


I'd say, keep the explanation simple. If you want to bring God into it and say "God makes everyone," "God loves everyone." "God makes everyone different." I'd leave it at that. A lot of the subsequent commentary is really patronizing.


Also, while the mother might be comfortable answering questions about her child, the child themselves might not be. Always, always presume competence. Don't approach a child unfamiliar to you with an ulterior motive to have someone else's child educate yours. Educate yourself. Have your kids educate themselves. If you want to ask a question about the child's disability? Don't. (Ask if you are familiar with them AND if they have told you they're comfortable answering questions about their disability.)


Other Tips for Kids:


1) Teach them to talk directly to the other child, not the parent or caregiver. If they cannot think of what to say, just encourage them to introduce themselves, and ask the other child their name.


2) Teach them to never touch the other child without permission from that child. (This includes their glasses, wheelchair, breathing tube, etc.)


3) Teach them to respect if and when the other child says no (whether that's to a hug or to having their chair pushed.) Saying no is the other child's right, and it's so important for them to be heard and respected.


4) Teach them to get an adult (or better, the other child's parent or caregiver) if your child sees the other child being mistreated or discriminated against.


5) Regarding the remarks that "that person is in a wheelchair because their legs don't work" and I really want to offer you that a wheelchair or glasses or breathing tube or ANYTHING like that? It's not a hindrance to us. Those thing actually liberate us and help us live the lives we want to live. Frame them as such for your kids.

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