2,253 words
17 minute read
TW: GIF warning
Talk of suicide note -- one line read
Spoilers for season 2 and season 4 of 13RW
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List of scenes referenced in this post:
2x01, 45:36 - 43:49 remaining
TW: talk about suicide note, reads one excerpt from it
2x01, 16:44 - 15:57 remaining
2x12, 51:56 - 51:15 remaining
4x09, 39:19 - 38:02 remaining
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This week, we’re discussing Alex’s relationship with his mom, Carolyn. (Who, we were thrilled to see, is played by the talented Meredith Monroe -- any Criminal Minds fans remember her as Haley Hotchner?)
Alex’s relationship with his mom is complicated, to say the least. We don’t see a lot of her. She, like Bill, spends a lot of time in the workforce, but since the hospital is a place 13 Reasons Why tends to treat with reverence and does not do a lot of exploitative oversharing of -- we don’t see her there.
Tara has mentioned that it’s entirely possible that Carolyn could have been working the night Alex was brought in after his suicide attempt, which is never mentioned, but exists as a possibility all the same.
Since we don’t see Carolyn and Alex together much, Tara and I decided to be sure to include all their scenes together, so we could get a sense of their dynamic.
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In 2x01 (45:36 - 43:49, TW: talk about suicide note, reads one excerpt from it), Alex and his mom are in the kitchen on Alex’s first day back to school. His mom lets Alex know his dad is working a double shift, but to “call me if you need anything at all, I can get coverage.” She also puts milk and another food item close at hand, so Alex can easily reach from where he’s sitting.
How do we feel about the representation of accessibility here?
TONIA: Having access to safe adult support when disabled...the importance of this cannot be understated. Carolyn makes sure Alex knows which parent he can reach and that he can call if he needs “anything.” Having that level of emotional support is not always a given, and that’s why representation like this is so important.
Tara, would you want to speak to how important emotional support is after an injury -- and the first day returning to school besides?
TARA: I think that type of explicit emotional support from a safe adult is something that Alex definitely needs, but it’s also something he doesn't want to need. That said, I am glad it is offered.
TONIA: Likewise, the seamless way Carolyn moves the milk and another item closer to Alex, so he can reach them? It’s something most would consider small, but as so many of us grow up in profoundly inaccessible spaces, we know it’s a huge deal.
I had to eat what was given to me at meal times, or ask specifically for help carrying food place to place. As most around me were unwilling to help (at least not without a hefty side of ableism) I did a lot of eating in secret, when no one else was around to make fun of how I had to access food.
We are very much at the mercy of parents or other nondisabled people in a space to give us access to food.
That Carolyn not only does this, but does it without making Alex seem like some sort of pain in her butt while she does? It sends the message that accommodating disabled people can be easy.
Tara, how do you feel about this moment in the show?
TARA: To me, this seemingly small gesture communicates a lot. Carolyn sees and accepts Alex’s current level of recovery. She understands the injury. She does not expect him to revert back to a nondisabled version of himself, or overcome disability by willing his paralyzed hand to grab the milk carton from the refrigerator and carry it to the table and back.
And by minimizing his cognitive load in this way, Alex will be able to devote more energy to school and all it entails.
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[Image: Alex reads his note.]
In the same scene, Alex asks his mom if he left a note. She says he did, but is reluctant to show it to him. Alex gets frustrated and yells at her, asking if she threw it away. She responds by locating the note (close at hand) and giving it to him to read.
How do we feel about Carolyn’s reaction to Alex?
TONIA: Kind of mindblown, actually! She takes his communication as valid!
TARA: This early on in the brain injury recovery process, a brain is easily overloaded due to cognitive or mental fatigue. Cognitive tasks do sap energy, but so do strong emotions - even small amounts of them. We see Alex unable to regulate his tone here as a result.
I can understand her initial hesitation, but I was also pleased to see Carolyn able to keep the conversation going. She focused on the words Alex said, and not the way in which he said them. As a result, Carolyn and Alex were able to move through the moment together. They came to a compromise where she showed him the note (and asked if he wanted to talk about it), and he agreed to speak to his therapist about it. Really beautiful representation of Carolyn respecting communication, taking into account Alex’s maturity and autonomy, while also ensuring that he has proper support after the fact.
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How does it differ from what we usually see following valid anger by a character with a TBI?
TONIA: It’s a pretty stark contrast. The character with the brain injury is usually sent away from whoever they’re speaking to, due to the family member not liking the way the disabled character speaks to them.
Tara, did you want to speak more to this?
TARA: An angry character with a TBI is often portrayed as unpredictable, pitiable or even dangerous, though people with TBIs are four to ten times more likely to experience abuse than the nondisabled population. They are often othered, treated gingerly and held at arms-length.
Carolyn’s response couldn’t have differed more widely, and I’m glad for that. As Tonia and I so often say, “Media teaches people how to treat people from marginalized groups.”
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We’ve seen since the beginning of Season 2 how Carolyn has been controlling Alex’s diet. In 2x01 (16:44 - 15:57 remaining), Tyler smuggles chips and candy into Alex’s room for him to eat.
Do we have specific thoughts on Alex’s diet being controlled in this way?
TARA: In seeing the scenes throughout Season 2, it seems that controlling Alex’s diet feels like one concrete way Carolyn can help her son to stay healthy. One thing that she can control.
On one hand, I can see the benefits of this - particularly as it isn’t being framed as one more way for him to Get Better. There are certain foods that definitely support brain health, and as Alex is still a minor, ensuring his brain health would fall under Carolyn’s duties - at least in some form.
On the other hand, Alex is certainly old enough to be making his own food choices. And it seems clear based on this scene that the current diet is not one of his choosing. Controlling this aspect of Alex’s life may be helping alleviate some of Carolyn’s anxieties, however - in my opinion - she should be trying to find ways for Alex to feel in control of his own life again.
TONIA: I can remember being ten years old, recovering from major surgery, and being forced -- by my great grandma -- to eat liver and onions and cooked cabbage. All of it, she said, was high in iron. (All of it was also the most texturally offensive thing I’ve ever eaten.)
There’s something specific to be said about when you’ve been through a massive medical trauma. About how it feels to be on the other side of something. For me, I had no control over what was done to my body. When I also had no choice about eating something truly hideous, it only added to my sense of powerlessness.
I don’t know how Alex feels, specifically, but I know how I felt in this one instance.
Controlling a child’s diet in a way that’s directly tied to their disability or medical trauma only adds to the overall trauma.
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In 2x12 (51:56 - 51:15 remaining), Carolyn bursts into Alex’s room with Zach from school. We know, at this point, that Alex is being threatened by classmate Monty, who is trying to keep everyone quiet who may testify about Bryce. Most recently, Monty has sent Alex a bullet and a gun, and we’ve seen Alex in his room with both at the end of the last episode.
Instead, Carolyn has zeroed in on the Sour Patch Kids (which are sitting out in plain sight) and reprimands him: “Alexander Dean Standall! What is this? Do you know the damage these can do?”
Let’s discuss this moment.
TARA: Oh dear. What to say about this moment? I kind of appreciate the absurdity of it, to be honest. Carolyn doesn’t know about the threats Alex has gotten. The gun and bullet aren’t sitting out for her to see. But the fact that she is so focused on the health detriments of candy of all things in this scene frames her as the unreasonable person - not Alex. It’s kind of refreshing to see a parent of a disabled teen shown as sort of clueless instead of all-knowing.
TONIA: Same! I definitely appreciate the absurdity here. While the audience knows Carolyn doesn’t know about the threats Alex is receiving, we do, and the fact that we do makes seeing her freaked out about his eating candy more than a little ridiculous.
I appreciate the decision to include a moment like this.
It’s levity - a bit of comedy - but like you’re saying, Tara, it also makes it clear that Alex is dealing with so much more, and that to worry about candy at this moment is unreasonable.
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In 4x09, (39:19 - 38:02 remaining) Alex brings Charlie home to dinner and introduces him for the first time as “my boyfriend.” Bill says, “It’s good to see you again, Charlie,” and Alex’s brother says Charlie has to sit by him, so they can discuss football.
Privately, Carolyn asks Alex if he’s okay. Alex says, “I kind of thought this would be a bigger deal.” Carolyn asks: “Well, is he good to you? Does he make you happy?” Alex says yes. Carolyn answers, “Then, it’s a very big deal.”
Should we talk about how important family support is, especially in forging new relationships, post injury?
TARA: I actually like this scene because it depicts someone with a brain injury just living life. Introducing his boyfriend to his family. It’s so rare to see everyday moments like these on-screen for disabled characters. Of course, the scene is all the better for the seamless family support.
Carolyn taking a private moment with Alex to check on his emotional well-being is huge. Alex isn’t being demonstrative in any way. He’s just standing quietly, taking a minute. And still, Carolyn asks if he is okay. She cares.
Brain injuries are complicated because they impact identity. A survivor may feel like a different person post-injury. Family is often our first foray into post-injury relationships, and there’s no handbook. A survivor may wish for family to treat him like nothing is different, leaning into that initial denial. And the family may want not to reduce the survivor to just his injury.
For most, I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle. You are still you, but you are different at the same time. You are not only your injury, but your injury does affect your day-to-day life. And if family can help to strike that delicate balance, it can definitely make a difference to a brain injury survivor.
TONIA: I mean, what more is there to say than that? You summed it up beautifully.
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When Alex gets up to speak at Justin’s funeral in the series finale 4x10, he’s only able to read a few lines of what he intends to say before stopping. From the audience, Carolyn sees this, and tells Bill to “go get him.”
Bill then gets up and helps Alex back to his seat.
How do we feel about this scene?
TARA: I am not sure whether the average viewer would notice this, but the representation of Alex’s symptoms worsening with a quiet sort of stress (as opposed to the active shooter drill in 4x06) was important to me. Being able to see how intense emotion affects cognitive load - needing physical help to move, stuttering and difficulty speaking beyond being overcome with emotion.
TONIA: Oh, yes. I’m glad you pointed this out!
I’m really pleased to see Carolyn respond to Alex’s cues and respond in a way that helps Alex but also respects his dignity.
TARA: Absolutely. (And I know this post isn’t about Bill, but it was good seeing him willing to physically help Alex in a very public moment.)
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Have you seen 13 Reasons Why on Netflix?
Did reading our conversation about Alex and his mom help you realize anything or notice anything you hadn't registered before?
We'd love to hear from you in the comments.
