Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Grey's Anatomy: Disability Representation Series: 11x12 - The Great Pretender

272 words
2 minute read

This moment of representation is small, but I really like it.  In this scene, Arizona (an amputee as of season 9) is hanging out with her fetal surgery mentor, Dr. Nicole Herman.  Dr. Herman has a fast growing brain tumor, and is training Arizona via a lightening speed fellowship, so that all of Herman's knowledge is not lost if the outcome of the surgery is such that she cannot operate again herself.

In the scene below, Arizona laments the way her life used to be, saying, "I used to skate around this hospital," and Herman says, "Why don't you?"  Soon after, and not sounding sorry at all, she says, "Oops," realizing what did happen and why Arizona no longer wears her wheelie sneaks around the hospital.  I like the scene because of the organic way disability is brought up.  I like it because Herman isn't overly apologetic about an honest question, due to the fact that Arizona's amputation temporarily slipped her mind.  Mostly, though, I like it because Arizona lists a whole litany of things that are wrong in her life, her leg being gone is not among them.

This is, mostly, how it is (at least for me.)  People have this belief that because I'm disabled my life should be a certain way and if I have any problems they should automatically all link back to my disability, but usually, that's not the case.  I like that that's represented here.

This is a great scene by the way,  I'm so glad I found it so you guys could see it:


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Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Grey's Anatomy: Disability Representation Series: 7x06 - These Arms of Mine

728 words
6 minute read

This is one of my favorite episodes of Grey's because it's so creatively done.  The entire thing is filmed in a documentary style, complete with dramatic narration, focusing on how the surgeons are coping six months after a mass shooting at the hospital.  Several were held at gunpoint at different times, some lost friends, and some were forced to wait with patients they could not save, while the patient died.  This will be the first time, I'll be detailing three scenarios in a single episode for disability representation:

Amputation/Arm Transplant:
A patient, known simply as, Zack, is paged to the hospital because he has been matched with a new pair of arms.  Four years ago, Zack lost his arms in a logging accident and they have been searching for a match for him for two years.  His wife, Nora, talks quite a bit about all the ways she adapted and helps her husband with everyday tasks.  Zack is played by actor John Lacy who is not an amputee.  Though not surprising to me, it is a little disappointing.


The scene above is quite graphic as it contains quite a bit of the arm transplant surgery itself, but toward the end, you can see Zack with his new arms.

Tracheal Tumor/Tracheal Transplant:
Nine-year-old Lily Price is admitted to the hospital with difficulty breathing due to a recurrent tracheal tumor, blocking her airway.  She soon has to be intubated, and pediatric surgeon, Alex Karev, goes from being annoyed by her tendency to blast preteen music from her room, to taking her under his wing.  He even keeps an eye on her while her mother is stuck at work, three hours away.  Eventually, fellow pediatric surgeon, Arizona Robbins, comes up with the idea to grow Lily a trachea with a mixture of her own cells.  We later see her operation was a success, due in large part to Dr. Karev all but living at the hospital for months, to be sure the trachea was growing all right in the lab, remained irrigated, etc.  Lily later invited Dr. Karev to come and speak to her fourth grade class.

This is one of the few situations where I can understand not having an actor with a particular medical complication, as Lily's type of tumor was extremely life threatening. I've always liked this aspect of the episode, because Dr. Karev really looks out for Lily.  He even urges the documentary camera crew to back off when she is upset she can't bring her I-Pod into the MRI machine with her, as seen below:


PTSD:

While obviously focused on the patients, Grey's Anatomy has always been about how they affect the surgeons.  As stated earlier, the entire episode takes place just six months after many of the surgeons were held at gunpoint.  At this point in season 7, we can gather than several of them have been diagnosed with PTSD.  In particular, when plastic surgeon, Jackson Avery, gets trapped between two sets of doors during a false triggering of the hospital's new security system, he is instantly nervous and his attention is on how to get out, and not on his patient, who codes while trapped with him.  Avery is forced to do CPR, all the while calling to a fellow doctor, "I need to get out of here!" and "I need to get out now!"  When the doors are finally opened and Avery is free to leave, he cannot seem to stop himself from continuing CPR.  Afterward, he angrily kicks over a cart in an empty room, and blankly addresses the camera, saying, "It's been hard.  I lost some friends that day."

I have always loved all of the complex ways the show has portrayed the effects of PTSD on multiple people.  It does not present the same all the time and I really appreciate that.  Throughout the entire series, the writers do an incredible job portraying this particular aspect.  Though I was not able to find a full clip of Jackson trapped between the doors and performing CPR, you can see a small clip at :20 in this promo for the episode.  (The promo is so good!)




I'm excited it's my turn to pick tonight, but I have no idea which episode I'll choose!  Especially after Tara picked such a great one!

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Monday, December 7, 2015

Grey's Anatomy: Disability Representation Series: 2x04 - Deny, Deny, Deny

426 words
3 minute read

Yesterday, I picked season 2, episode 4, Deny, Deny, Deny just because sometimes it's good to see a random episode.  At this point all the surgeons were still interns and the amazing Miranda Bailey was their resident.

In this episode, Bailey introduces Meredith to her longtime patient, Jeremiah Tate, a 26-year-old with Cystic Fibrosis.  Jeremiah was one of Bailey's first patients during her intern year, and she knew nothing, at that point, about treating CF.  Bailey and Jeremiah have a warm relationship and it's clear Bailey really cares about him.  Jeremiah admits to having some pain, then to having seizures.  He thinks his pancreatitis is acting up again.  Bailey asks him where his parents think he is this time, and he says, New Jersey.  Meredith is shocked that Jeremiah hasn't told his parents where he is or that he's sick.  Bailey responds that he understands the reality of his condition but chooses to ignore it.  That "denial works for him."

It turns out Jeremiah will need exploratory surgery.  This is difficult because without it he will likely go into multisystem organ failure, but his body doesn't handle anesthesia well either.  If they don't operate, he will die, and if they do, he has a chance of still dying.  Jeremiah seems at peace with needing the operation, having lived with CF for 26 years,

Just before surgery, Jeremiah appears to be struggling more, and fights to even sit up.  Bailey's explaining paperwork to him.  He signs D.N.R. (Do Not Resuscitate) papers and tells Bailey, "You should probably call my parents."  Bailey responds, "Call them yourself when you walk out of here," and both smile.

In surgery, though, Jeremiah's body seems to be shutting down.  Despite the D.N.R. and a fellow doctor's warnings, Bailey performs C.P.R. on Jeremiah for several minutes.  She eventually calls time of death.  And later, Bailey is the one to call Jeremiah's mother and tell her he has died.

I'm not sure how I feel about this storyline to be honest.  On one hand I always prefer the doctors to care too much rather than not enough, but the fact is that Bailey didn't honor Jeremiah's wishes.  So this one's probably going to stay in ambiguous territory for me, which is annoying, as I have a very black or white/right or wrong personality.  Also, I'm kind of bummed I wasn't able to find video of Bailey and Jeremiah for this post.

We'll see what I get out of whatever episode Tara picks today.

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Saturday, December 5, 2015

Grey's Anatomy: Disability Representation Series: 6x10 - Holidaze

409 words
3 minute read

So, I'm starting a new thing.  Since I love Grey's Anatomy so much, (and I watch it all the time anyway) I'm going to share my thoughts on disability representation in whatever episode I watch.  Today, in honor of the upcoming holidays, I watched Holidaze.

In this episode, 6-year-old Nicholas Jacobson is admitted to the ER with a persistent severe nosebleed caused by an inoperable AVM.  Derek (neurosurgeon extraordinaire) operates initially and then discovers he cannot access the AVM to treat it appropriately because the hospital doesn't have the equipment for a nasal cavity that small.

At first, Derek is defeated, but not down and out for long.  Soon he, pediatric surgeon Arizona Robbins and plastic surgeon Mark Sloan ask Chief Webber for their Christmas bonuses.  They plan to use them to fund the teeny tiny equipment themselves.

But there's a problem.  There are no Christmas bonuses this year.

There is a brief pause before Derek says, "I write a check.  How much?"  Arizona quickly agrees to split the amount and Mark follows suit, each of them covering a third of the massive expense out of their own pockets.  Derek, Arizona and Mark not only fund the equipment, it's also up to them to make it, as they are on a serious time crunch.  (Nicholas has been readmitted with another uncontrollable nosebleed and is only hanging on because Arizona is transfusing him until all is ready.

Nicholas nearly has to be intubated, but the equipment is ready just in time and instead they bag him until he gets to the OR, where Derek is waiting to clip the AVM.  Below is video of that amazing moment:


I love this storyline, and the representation here, because it shows how surgeons go above and beyond to save a life.  Simply letting Nicholas go home and bleed out is not an option.  They fight for him. This particular aspect of disability representation is very significant, and personal to me.  It matters that the doctors didn't throw in the towel.  It matters that they fought for this little boy.

I'm normally such a stickler for realism, and I'd hazard to guess there are aspects of this storyline that weren't particularly realistic, but I don't care.  I care that they didn't stop fighting for a kid when all seemed hopeless.  

I care that saving his life was the top priority of these doctors.  

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Friday, December 4, 2015

In The Time Machine

253 words
2 minute read

Yesterday, I found videos of Tara and I recovering from major surgery we had at 10 years old.  

The first is footage taken by Tara's 5th grade classroom teacher.  Mine appears on camera, sitting between us, and acting as interviewer.  

We were 2 weeks post surgery at this point (a week of which had been in the hospital.)  This was taken in January of 1992.  The videotape was meant to be a go-between for school and home, to let the kids know we were still a part of the class, and to let us feel like we were still a part of them:



The second video was taken by Tara's and my great grandpa, who loved to videotape everything we grandkids did when we came to visit.  The same was true when they visited us at home while we were recovering.  The second video was taken on February 6, 1992, almost 6 weeks post surgery:


At this point in history, the internet didn't exist.  We knew a maximum of 60 kids and 2 teachers (all of whom either my sister or I knew) which we were fine with.  Now, I  want to share them here, with the knowledge that there are little kids out there who have CP and have gone through difficult surgeries and recoveries.

We've been there, too, friends.  You're not alone.

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Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Like Looking in a Mirror

839 words
7 minute read

So, last week, a pretty amazing thing happened:  a friend and her family were in town for Thanksgiving and they stopped by to visit.  I do have friends over from time to time.  That's not the amazing part.  That was the fact that this friend brought her elementary school aged daughter along, who also has CP.

It might sound strange that having lived in accessible housing for most of a decade that I don't have disabled friends over (aside from the people who live in our building.)  The fact is, I don't have many disabled friends - and certainly none that can just pop over whenever they would like to visit from several states away.

The fact that this little girl could easily walk in our front doors, our apartment itself, and all around inside, without being impeded by narrow doorways or steps of any kind was pretty amazing to see.  I regularly appreciate the access my apartment provides, but I rarely get to see it enjoyed by a visiting friend.  One who was able to take her walker inside and not bump it against anything.

Aside from appreciating the accessibility of our apartment, though, there was something so awesome about being able to talk to another family connected to disability.  I had not previously realized just how exhausting social interactions were for me simply because they required a lot of effort.  Trying to think of something relevant to offer to the conversation.  Trying to relate to a friend's story that centers around a lot of physical activity when most of my hobbies center around media.  I read, and write.  I watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy.  Not a lot of my friends desire to talk deeply about a book or a TV show.  But our new friend and her daughter did.  They love Girl Meets World and the movie Elf.  We can give each other book recommendations and analyze the content for as long as we want.

It was also notable because for one of the first times I can recall, my sister and I had something to offer.  Many friendships, for me, seem a bit lopsided, because I am always needing friends to come to me (as it is much easier for me to remain in my own space where I can go everywhere versus trying to navigate somewhere less accessible.)  Friends come to me and I feel like there isn't a lot of give and take.  There is a lot of take (from me) and a lot of give (from them.)  This time, though, we could offer advice and insight for this sweet mother-daughter duo, and it felt great.

One of the coolest things I have found about having CP is that it offers an automatic connection to a community - even down to our physical features.  Look at two people with CP and you will see similarities.  We are cut from the same cloth.  We are connected to each other.  And watching this little girl was honestly like looking in a mirror and seeing myself at her age.  From small things like the way she sat on the couch or perched on the back of her walker, to big things like the fact that she used a walker at that age, like I did.

Not to mention, of course, to be able to really relate to this girl about her experiences specific to disability was pretty monumental.  Growing up, I had no disabled mentors.  My parents didn't have any disabled friends.  (I don't fault them for that.  In fact, it wasn't something I even thought about until a couple of years ago.)  But being able to be that for someone else is great.  Whether she ends up wanting my input or not remains to be seen, but just the fact that the connection has been forged, I think, is a step in the right direction.  I think it's so important for disabled kids to be able to have connections to disabled adults.  To be able to ask us "Did this ever happen to you?" in the same way it's great to be able to offer suggestions to her mother about adaptive equipment around the house.  It's something meaningful, and something that can really make a difference in a family's life.

Meeting this new friend and her daughter in person offered a connection and an ease of interacting that I have rarely known, and I am so grateful for chances like these, to get to know people in my community.  Honestly, connections like these are my dream.  I have wanted so much to create bridges between parents of disabled children and disabled adults.

I think, together, we may have just built our first bridge, and I am thrilled about it.

The hair and the clothes may have changed in the 25 years since I was this little girl's age, but the resemblance between us was so uncanny.  By far, one of the coolest things I've ever witnessed.

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Monday, November 30, 2015

Book Review: Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

1,097 words
8 minute read

[Image: Book cover for Jojo Moyes' Me Before You]

A few days ago, a friend recommended I read this book.  She said it featured a character who was disabled.  So, my sister and I checked it out.  We finished the book in two days.  There were good aspects, but largely, this review is going to be cautionary.  Spoilers will be included, so if you don't wish for the plot to be given away, please click away now.

I found the plot fairly predictable: Lou, a young, financially struggling, able bodied woman, who lived a fairly predictable and safe life goes to work for a disabled, rich man, Will.  Actually, she goes to work for the man's mother.  He is barely seen for the first several chapters, except pre-injury.

From early on, I braced myself.  There were ableist comments from Lou's family and friends when they learned she would be taking on a carer/companion position for Will.  They speculated about his physical functioning, and joked inappropriately about him.  When Lou started working for Will's mother, Lou had a disconcerting habit of referring to Will as "the wheelchair."  (This did get better throughout the novel, thank goodness, but the fact that it was there at all was extremely off-putting.)

Everyone in Will's life, from his mother to his main nurse to Lou, were horribly presumptuous, and had horrible habits of not asking Will what he would prefer, but instead making assumptions.  To me, Will, a character who was living as a recent quadriplegic, had reason to be snarky and short, but he was made out to be unreasonable, problematic and automatically othered.  The main narrator in the entire story was Lou.  Lou is made out, for much of the book, to be the able bodied savior.

At their very first meeting, Will makes a very strange show of groaning and making all kinds of noises to try and throw Lou off.  I found it strange and out of character for a 35 year old grown man to do something like that.

When Will intentionally finds a way to break photographs of an ex girlfriend and best friend who had since gotten together, Lou takes it upon herself to try to fix the frames.  She doesn't seem to take his actions into account whatsoever.  But even more troubling, Lou never reads the binder of information regarding Will's medical needs.  She lacks a basic knowledge of paralysis and she repeatedly blatantly ignores Will's lack of consent.

Lou regularly equates Will with Thomas (who is Lou's four year old nephew.)  Will has no access to outdoors.  Will's mother is frighteningly dehumanizing when she speaks of her son - calling him a "thing."  We come to realize that Will's mother hired Lou in a last ditch effort to convince Will to live.  Because Will wants to go to a special Switzerland clinic where assisted suicide is practiced.  Will's mom says that Lou is "the only only one who can get through to him." Will's father is worse, wanting Will to go to Switzerland and choose to die so that he, himself will have the freedom to leave his wife.  Horrifying.

In an effort to show Will what he has to live for, Lou organizes outings for him, but she discusses these outside of Will's presence.  When she does bring the idea up to him, she does not allow him to object, but takes him out anyway, where they have an awful time, and Will isn't even interested in what the activity was to begin with.

Lou's lack of professionalism was stunningly neglectful.  She gets too drunk to be reliable changing his catheter (twice!) causing Will to get a massive infection that could have easily killed him.  But this is brushed under the rug by the author, couched in a "but they had a good time" sense.  On their final trip, romance has started to blossom between Lou and Will, and Lou naively believes she has changed his mind.  He tells her she isn't enough for him.  He is still planning to follow through with his plan.  Instead of maintaining the barest modicum of professionalism, Lou first leaves Will stranded on the beach in her anger.  This is brushed past by the author (we literally never know how he gets back to the hotel.)  She even refuses to feed him on the flight back home.

I find it troubling, to say the least, that a story like this was pitched as a romance, or that so many who read it felt that Lou and Will would have been remotely suited for one another when she couldn't even be counted on to see to his basic needs when her emotions got in the way.  Another book about why a disabled character doesn't think their life is worth living isn't something I think that's remotely needed.  It reinforces all the harmful stereotypes:  that disabled people exist only to teach lessons to able bodied people, that we have more value dead than we do alive.  We got literally everyone else's perspective who mattered in this book: Lou for most of it, but we also heard from her sister, from Will's parents and Will's primary nurse.  Who did we never hear from?  Who never got a chapter from his perspective?  Will.

This book being authored by an able bodied person does it a great disservice, in my opinion.  Because there are things that get missed.  There was a scene where Will was given a cup of a certain height and a straw of a certain height which allowed him to drink from it unassisted.  The author (as Lou) commented that this was a "small thing," when a disabled author would know that independence for us, is no small thing.

Ironically, the single redeeming quality in this book was the ending.  Will ends his life on his own terms, not being talked out of it by an immature, naive Lou.  He was able to take control back of his life in the only way he could.  While I don't support that narrative, nor what harm it causes my community, in making it Will's own choice, it was important that the story ended the way it did for him.  I didn't appreciate how his life and death "liberated" Lou and made her more able to embrace things in her own life.  Will's life had value because it was his life, not because she had epiphanies from simply existing around him.

There is a sequel.  I don't plan to read it.

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