30 Books I Read in 2018: 26-30

1,134 words

9 minute read

Books 1-5 | Books 6-10 | Books 11-15 | Books 16-20 | Books 21-25

26. One Child by Torey Hayden

Genre: Nonfiction

Disability Representation: Yes (multiple, but primarily selective mutism and trauma)

Rating: 2 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: Sheila was wild, unreachable, abused--and a genius. She was a child lost until a brilliant young teacher reached out.

What I Thought: I still remember finding this book in a Barnes and Noble, completely by chance, back in 2004.  I turned to Chapter 6, to check out how it was written, and I was hooked.

Since then, I've reread One Child countless times.  And counted it as a favorite book.  This time is the first read-through that things about the book bothered me:

Because it was published in the early '80s, the R-word was still commonly used.  Also some instances came across for the first time as racist.  Not to mention just how ill-equipped the author was at the age of 24 to handle a child with as much trauma as Sheila had.

In spite of all this, Sheila herself remains engaging as ever, and I love discovering things with her like flowers and lotion for the first time ever.  But I had to seriously adjust my wheel-rating, which, at one point would have been 4 Wheels.  

I can't give it that on good conscience anymore, but I still found myself liking the book.


27. The Thing About Jellyfish by Ali Benjamin

Genre: YA

Disability Representation: Yes (selective mutism and main character could be read as autistic)

Rating: 3 Wheels

Age Range: 12+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: After her best friend dies in a drowning accident, Suzy is convinced that the true cause of the tragedy must have been a rare jellyfish sting--things don't just happen for no reason. Retreating into a silent world of imagination, she crafts a plan to prove her theory--even if it means traveling the globe, alone. Suzy's achingly heartfelt journey explores life, death, the astonishing wonder of the universe...and the potential for love and hope right next door.

What I Thought: While the book as a whole wasn't one I might typically pick up and read, the storyline was engaging.  I thought it was a unique take on childhood grief, and I really liked the ending.


28.  Dread Nation by Justina Ireland

Genre: Historical Fiction

Disability Representation: No

Rating: 2 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary:  Jane McKeene was born two days before the dead began to walk the battlefields of Gettysburg and Chancellorsville—derailing the War Between the States and changing America forever. In this new nation, safety for all depends on the work of a few, and laws like the Native and Negro Reeducation Act require certain children attend combat schools to learn to put down the dead. But there are also opportunities—and Jane is studying to become an Attendant, trained in both weaponry and etiquette to protect the well-to-do. It’s a chance for a better life for Negro girls like Jane. After all, not even being the daughter of a wealthy white Southern woman could save her from society’s expectations.

What I Thought: Not the easiest book to get through but I did find myself fully immersed in the world the author created and wondering what would happen to Jane next.  I liked it enough that I'd check out the next book in the series.  (It looks like there will be a series?)


29.  Hello, Universe by Erin Entrada Kelly

Genre: YA

Disability Representation: Yes (D/deaf, and unspecified learning disability)

Rating: 0 Wheels

Age Range: 12+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: In one day, four lives weave together in unexpected ways. Virgil Salinas is shy and kindhearted and feels out of place in his loud and boisterous family. Valencia Somerset, who is deaf, is smart, brave, and secretly lonely, and loves everything about nature. Kaori Tanaka is a self-proclaimed psychic, whose little sister Gen is always following her around. And Chet Bullens wishes the weird kids would just act normal so that he can concentrate on basketball. They aren’t friends -- at least not until Chet pulls a prank that traps Virgil and his pet guinea pig at the bottom of a well. This disaster leads Kaori, Gen, and Valencia on an epic quest to find the missing Virgil. Through luck, smarts, bravery, and a little help from the universe, a rescue is performed, a bully is put in his place, and friendship blooms.

What I Thought: So many issues with this one: There's repeated (unaddressed) use of the R-word by a bully, the bully's (severely ableist, audist) perspective for several chapters.  Valencia, who is D/deaf must rely on hearing aides and lip reading as the child of hearing parents, who was never taught sign language.

Virgil (who has unspecified learning disabilities) is repeatedly verbally assaulted and terrorized by the bully.  He ends up in a life-threatening situation only to be rescued by other children.  It is on him to stand up to the child who abuses him, and his family barely notices anything was amiss after Virgil disappeared for most of a day.  Highly recommend skipping this one, especially if you're hoping for good disability representation.


30. The Running Dream by Wendelin Van Draanen

Genre: YA

Disability Representation: Yes (amputation and Cerebral Palsy)

Rating: 0 Wheels

Age Range: 12+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: Jessica thinks her life is over when she loses a leg in a car accident. She's not comforted by the news that she'll be able to walk with the help of a prosthetic leg. Who cares about walking when you live to run?

What I Thought: If I was rating the first two parts of this book?  I'd have given it 3 to 4 Wheels easily.  I felt the representation was refreshingly authentic.

But parts 3 through 5 seriously dropped the ball.  What had the potential to be a rare strong piece of representation by a nondisabled author who did her research devolved (in my opinion) into nothing more than inspiration porn.

Jessica and Rosa (who has CP) never formed an authentic friendship.  Instead their interactions were academic and glossed over.  Their connection to each other felt more like a transaction (Rosa helping Jessica pass algebra II and Jessica helping Rosa achieve what she wanted, but never really showed Jessica getting to know Rosa as a person.)

What was worse is that Jessica was constantly and consistently exploited by peers and the news media as an object of inspiration and when the public started to recognize her (as inspiration porn) she thanked them and used it to push her.  (Which, again, in my opinion, is a totally nondisabled take on a common issue in disability culture, and damaging to boot.)

***

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30 Books I Read in 2018: 21-25

702 words

5 minute read

Books 1-5 | Books 6-10 | Books 11-15 | Books 16-20 

21. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling

Genre: Fantasy

Disability Representation: Yes (trauma)

Rating: 3 Wheels

Age Range: 12+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: The Dursleys were so mean and hideous that summer that all Harry Potter wanted was to get back to the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. But just as he's packing his bags, Harry receives a warning from a strange, impish creature named Dobby who says that if Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts, disaster will strike.

What I Thought:  Honestly?  This one was really difficult for me to get into.  But the last third of the book was amazing!  I loved it so much because I didn't see it coming.  Such clever story-telling.  If the whole book had been at that level, this would have gotten 4 Wheels for sure!


22.  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling

Genre: Fantasy

Disability Representation: Yes (trauma)

Rating: 2 Wheels

Age Range: 12+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: Harry Potter's third year at Hogwarts is full of new dangers. A convicted murderer, Sirius Black, has broken out of Azkaban prison, and it seems he's after Harry.

What I Thought: This one had its strong points but overall I found it harder to follow than the first two.  I still liked it, hence the 2 Wheel rating, but I couldn't get into it as much as the previous books.  I did like the new Dark Arts professor and the little twist at the very end.


23.  Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

Genre: Psychology

Disability Representation: No

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary:  In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

What I Thought: Really good.  Dare I say, life-changing?  One I'll definitely read again.  


24.  Out of My Mind by Sharon M. Draper

Genre: YA

Disability Representation: Yes (Cerebral Palsy)

Rating: 0 Wheels

Age Range: 12+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: Melody is not like most people. She cannot walk or talk, but she has a photographic memory; she can remember every detail of everything she has ever experienced. She is smarter than most of the adults who try to diagnose her and smarter than her classmates in her integrated classroom - the very same classmates who dismiss her as mentally challenged because she cannot tell them otherwise. But Melody refuses to be defined by cerebral palsy. And she's determined to let everyone know it - somehow.

What I Thought: This is one I picked up because I'd heard time and time again about kids as young as fifth grade reading it in school.  There is not adequate time or space to detail how harmful the representation in this book is.  Do yourself a favor and skip it.  (For more details, check out my Twitter thread on the subject.)


25.  The Pact by Jodi Picoult

Genre: Fiction

Disability Representation: Yes (trauma)

Rating: 0 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary:  For eighteen years the Hartes and the Golds have lived next door to each other, sharing everything from Chinese food to chicken pox to carpool duty-- they've grown so close it seems they have always been a part of each other's lives. Parents and children alike have been best friends, so it's no surprise that in high school Chris and Emily's friendship blossoms into something more. They've been soul mates since they were born.

What I Thought: This was a reread that I will honestly never reread again.  I've read it twice previously, several years ago, but never quite came away with such an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.

***

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30 Books I Read in 2018: 16-20

654 words 

5 minute read

Books 1-5 | Books 6-10 | Books 11-15

16. My Story by Elizabeth Smart

Genre: Autobiography / Memoir

Disability Representation: Yes (trauma)

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: For the first time, ten years after her abduction from her Salt Lake City bedroom, Elizabeth Smart reveals how she survived and the secret to forging a new life in the wake of a brutal crime.

What I Thought: This was a reread for me, and a strong one.  I get more out of this book each time I read it.  Elizabeth is such a strong voice in the survivor community and I appreciate her willingness to speak out.  


17. Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson

Genre: YA

Disability Representation: Yes (mental health)

Rating: 1 Wheel

Age Range: 14+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: Mary B. Addison killed a baby.

Allegedly. She didn’t say much in that first interview with detectives, and the media filled in the only blanks that mattered: A white baby had died while under the care of a churchgoing black woman and her nine-year-old daughter. The public convicted Mary and the jury made it official. But did she do it? She wouldn’t say.

What I Thought: I liked this book so much until the end, which kind of soured it for me.  Would not reread, but I am glad I read it once.


18. TRUST by Iyanla Vanzant

Genre: Self Help

Disability Representation: No?

Rating: 1 Wheel

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: “You just can’t trust anyone!” seems to be a constant refrain in the modern world. Indeed, learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult lessons. “That’s because trust is not a verb,” says legendary life coach Iyanla Vanzant, “it’s a noun. Trust is a state of mind and a state of being.”

What I Thought: I was a big fan of Iyanla Vanzant on the show Starting Over, back in the early 2000s.  But this all just seemed too much to grasp too quickly for me.  I felt like this was Trust 5.0 and I was missing a bunch of levels before I got here.  The one takeaway I got?  "The chef's job is to be the chef.  You are not the chef.  You are the carrot.  Your job is to be a carrot."


19. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling

Genre: Fantasy

Disability Representation: Yes (trauma)

Rating: 3 Wheels

Age Range: 12+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: Harry Potter's life is miserable. His parents are dead and he's stuck with his heartless relatives, who force him to live in a tiny closet under the stairs. But his fortune changes when he receives a letter that tells him the truth about himself: he's a wizard. A mysterious visitor rescues him from his relatives and takes him to his new home, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

What I Thought: I first read this book a couple of years ago, and thought it was time to give it another chance.  Strangely, I found myself enjoying it more this time around.  Though I had to keep notes to keep track of some of the more fantastical elements, the overall story was engaging, and I really enjoyed it this time.


20. VOX by Christina Dalcher

Genre: Science Fiction / Dystopia

Disability Representation: Yes (trauma)

Rating: 3 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: Set in an America where half the population has been silenced, VOX is the harrowing, unforgettable story of what one woman will do to protect herself and her daughter...

What I Thought:  The premise is what got me reading this one!  So intriguing and strangely believable.  While I wasn't super invested in every aspect of this (romance), the story itself was strong enough to keep my interest and I found myself wanting to know what would happen next.  A real page-turner.

***

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30 Books I Read in 2018: 11-15

865 words

7 minute read

Books 1-5 | Books 6-10

11.  Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi

Genre: Fantasy

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 14+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary:
They killed my mother.
They took our magic.
They tried to bury us.


Now we rise.

What I Thought: Amazing, powerful story.  I'm so excited that this is the first in a series!  I'll definitely be checking out the rest.

Disability representation - the main character's father is disabled, I believe.


12.  The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead

Genre: Historical Fiction

Disability Representation: Not sure

Rating: 1 Wheel

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: Cora is a slave on a cotton plantation in Georgia. Life is hellish for all the slaves but especially bad for Cora; an outcast even among her fellow Africans, she is coming into womanhood - where even greater pain awaits. 

What I Thought: Really difficult for me to follow.  Probably would not reread this one again.  Took a long time to get going on, and a longer time to finish.

13. Roots by Alex Haley

Genre: Historical Fiction

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: When he was a boy in Henning, Tennessee, Alex Haley's grandmother used to tell him stories about their family—stories that went back to her grandparents, and their grandparents, down through the generations all the way to a man she called "the African." She said he had lived across the ocean near what he called the "Kamby Bolongo" and had been out in the forest one day chopping wood to make a drum when he was set upon by four men, beaten, chained and dragged aboard a slave ship bound for Colonial America.

What I Thought: I was 10 years old when I first saw the Roots miniseries from the 70's as it reaired for several nights in the early 90's.  I watched scenes in history class in high school.  But it was not until the incredible 2016 miniseries that Tara and I decided we had to read the book.

It took us nearly 2 years (with a long break) but we did finish it.  The book depicts so much, drives home so much.  It forced me to confront my white guilt and to sit with it for 900 pages.  

I was intrigued by this early disability representation as Kunta Kinte (and countless other enslaved people) were maimed for attempting to escape.  I noticed the author's use of the word "crutching," as a verb, because I'd never seen it before.  (But am reading a more current book now, ironically, that uses the same term.

I'm going to quote Tara here when I say, "Do yourself a favor and pick this book up, and then read every page."

14. Second Glance by Jodi Picoult

Genre: Fiction

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 3 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: When odd, supernatural events plague the town of Comtosook, a ghost hunter is hired by the developer to help convince the residents that there's nothing spiritual about the property. An intricate tale of love, haunting memories, and renewal. 

What I Thought: This has long been my favorite Jodi Picoult novel and one I've returned to over and over through the years.  This is the first year I reread it and actually liked it less.

A big part of that is realizing how the children in the book (one with XP, a genetic condition that makes his skin unable to repair itself after being exposed to UV light) are neglected.

I still really enjoyed the book, but I couldn't give it my customary 4 Wheels, this time.

15. Any Man by Amber Tamblyn

Genre: Fiction

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: A violent serial rapist is on the loose, who goes by the name Maude. She hunts for men at bars, online, at home— the place doesn’t matter, neither does the man. Her victims then must live the aftermath of their assault in the form of doubt from the police, feelings of shame alienation from their friends and family and the haunting of a horrible woman who becomes the phantom on which society projects its greatest fears, fascinations and even misogyny. All the while the police are without leads and the media hound the victims, publicly dissecting the details of their attack.

What I Thought: This was amazing.

We read the audiobook for this one (having been fans of Amber Tamblyn, Russ Tamblyn and Jason Ritter when all three starred on the early 2000's drama, Joan of Arcadia together.) Knowing that they all lent their talents to the audiobook, Tara and I could not pass up the opportunity to listen to them read this.

A stunning, strong, creative debut novel, it deals with the aftermath of sexual assault - including trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders etc.  Any Man will make you take a second look at the world we live in, and accomplishes the difficult task of telling a common story in an uncommon way, while still engrossing the reader.  Highly recommend.  Definitely a favorite new read this year.

***

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30 Books I Read in 2018: 6-10

685 words 

5 minute read

Books 1-5

6. The Kindness of Strangers by Katrina Kittle

Genre: Fiction

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: A young widow raising two boys, Sarah Laden is struggling to keep her family together. But when a shocking revelation rips apart the family of her closest friend, Sarah finds herself welcoming yet another troubled young boy into her already tumultuous life...

What I Thought: Full disclosure: This is a book I reread once a year, and I have, since I first discovered it back around 2007.  And honestly?  I get more and more out of it every single time I read it.  Very heavy subject matter.  The disability representation here focuses on the effects of longterm child abuse and neglect.  Things like trauma and dissociation.



7. Room by Emma Donaghue

Genre: Fiction

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt from Goodreads Summary: To five-year-old Jack, Room is the entire world. It is where he was born and grew up; it's where he lives with his Ma as they learn and read and eat and sleep and play. At night, his Ma shuts him safely in the wardrobe, where he is meant to be asleep when Old Nick visits... 

What I Thought: This is another book that I find myself returning to annually.  Jack's perspective is so rich and real.  And though the book stays with him throughout, we do get a sense that he has a very unique take on what's happening to him and his ma.  Because, to him, it's normal.  He does not know another life.

This is another book where the disability representation is more focused on invisible disabilities: trauma, depression, anxiety, etc.


8. The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

Genre: Nonfiction

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 3 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt from Goodreads Summary: As the United States celebrates the nation's "triumph over race" with the election of Barack Obama, the majority of young black men in major American cities are locked behind bars or have been labeled felons for life. Although Jim Crow laws have been wiped off the books, an astounding percentage of the African American community remains trapped in a subordinate status--much like their grandparents before them.

What I Thought: Educational and a necessary read, particularly for white people, like myself.  I won't lie.  This book took us 2.5 years to finish.  It's dense and textbook-like.  But Tara and I knew it was important.  We knew we had to educate ourselves.

Disability representation here is focused again on mental health: depression, schizophrenia, etc.


9.  What Happened by Hilary Rodham Clinton

Genre: Nonfiction

Disability Representation: No

Rating: 1 Wheel

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt from Goodreads Summary: “In the past, for reasons I try to explain, I’ve often felt I had to be careful in public, like I was up on a wire without a net. Now I’m letting my guard down.” —Hillary Rodham Clinton, from the introduction of What Happened

What I Thought: Not my favorite read.  Not a book I'd read again.  While I'm glad I read it for historical reasons, the only details I recall enjoying months after the fact?  When Hilary detailed the food she ate.  (Seriously.  If the whole book had been that?  I'd have been hooked.)


10.  Mind Platter by Najwa Zebian

Genre: Poetry

Disability Representation: No

Rating: 1 Wheel

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt from Goodreads Summary: 
To the heart in you, don’t be afraid to feel. 
To the sun in you, don’t be afraid to shine. 
To the love in you, don’t be afraid to heal. 
To the ocean in you, don’t be afraid to rage. 

To the silence in you, don’t be afraid to break. 


What I Thought: I found this author by happening upon a post of hers about surviving trauma.  Her thoughts were compelling enough that I went searching for her book.  While I found it helpful and enjoyable at first, eventually it was hard to stay open when reading this book.

***

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30 Books I Read in 2018: 1-5

921 words

7 minute read

(Borrowing this idea from my friend Ellen, who blogged about The 20 Books I Read in 2017 last year.)

This year, I had a goal to read 24 books - 2 per month.  I ended up reading 30 (not including my own work.)  My success at reading was largely due to discovering Goodreads which allows me to keep track of the books I am reading.

I love realistic fiction, but made a concerted effort to branch out this year, and read more by authors of color.  I'm also a big fan of going back to books I already know I love, so several of these were rereads as well.

My rating system was inspired by Malice of Malice's Movie Madness.

0 Wheels = Did Not Like It

1 Wheel = It Was Okay

2 Wheels = Liked It

3 Wheels = Really Liked It

4 Wheels = It Was Amazing

1.  An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Genre: Science Fiction

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary:  Odd-mannered, obsessive, withdrawn, Aster has little to offer folks in the way of rebuttal when they call her ogre and freak. She's used to the names; she only wishes there was more truth to them. If she were truly a monster, as they accuse, she'd be powerful enough to tear down the walls around her until nothing remained of her world, save for stories told around the cookfire...

What I Thought:  Definitely some of the best disability representation I have ever read.  I cannot recommend this book highly enough.  Check out my previous post about this book for further thoughts.

2. Every Day by David Levithan

Genre: YA

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 2 Wheels

Age Range: 12+

Excerpt from Goodreads Summary:  Every day a different body. Every day a different life. Every day in love with the same girl.

There’s never any warning about where it will be or who it will be. A has made peace with that, even established guidelines by which to live: Never get too attached. Avoid being noticed. Do not interfere.

What I Thought:  Only one of the bodies A inhabits has any type of disability and the detailing of that particular day is sparse.  So, this isn't a book I'd necessarily go to if you're looking for good disability representation, but it was an interesting book that I did like.

3. Courage to Soar by Simone Biles

Genre: Autobiography / Memoir

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating:  2 Wheels

Age Range: 9+

Excerpt from Goodreads Summary:  Simone Biles’ entrance into the world of gymnastics may have started on a daycare field trip in her hometown of Spring, Texas, but her God-given talent, passion, and perseverance have made her one of the top gymnasts in the world, as well as a four-time winner of Olympic gold in Rio de Janeiro.

But there is more to Simone than the nineteen medals—fourteen of them gold—and the Olympic successes. Through years of hard work and determination, she has relied on her faith and family to stay focused and positive, while having fun competing at the highest level and doing what she loves. Here, in her own words, Simone takes you through the events, challenges, and trials that carried her from an early childhood in foster care to a coveted spot on the 2016 Olympic team.

What I Thought: As a longtime fan of women's gymnastics, I really enjoyed Simone's memoir.  From her childhood in foster care to finding a stable, loving home with her parents, to achieving her dreams.  

Disability representation is included through Simone's middle school years as she talks about being diagnosed with A.D.H.D.

4. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Genre: YA

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 4 Wheels

Age Range: 14+

Excerpt from Goodreads Summary: Sixteen-year-old Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil at the hands of a police officer. Khalil was unarmed.

What I Thought: Powerful.  I read this back in February of this year and ten months later, the storyline is still with me.  Vividly authentic, this book centers on one family and the impact of police brutality on their world.  Disability representation I recall is PTSD - which, again - is thoughtfully depicted.  One of the most important reads of this year for me.

5.  Born a Crime by Trevor Noah

Genre: Autobiography / Memoir

Disability Representation: Yes

Rating: 3 Wheels

Age Range: 18+

Excerpt of Goodreads Summary: The compelling, inspiring, and comically sublime New York Times bestseller about one man’s coming-of-age, set during the twilight of apartheid and the tumultuous days of freedom that followed.

Trevor Noah’s unlikely path from apartheid South Africa to the desk of The Daily Show began with a criminal act: his birth. Trevor was born to a white Swiss father and a black Xhosa mother at a time when such a union was punishable by five years in prison..

What I Thought:  This book was slow to start for me, which is the main reason I gave it 3 wheels instead of 4.  I really enjoyed the author's narrative voice, but the end was the part I related to the most strongly.

Disability representation in this one is not at the forefront but does include his grandmother, who is blind, and was present in the author's early years.

***

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CP Tag

589 words

5 minute read

Hey, guys!  It's been a while.  It's National Novel Writing Month, which means I am writing something besides a blog.  (Weird.)  At the end of October I did a Twitter review of Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper.  You can check that out here if you missed it.

Otherwise, I just saw a post by my friend Zahraa, at The Disabled Muslim where she recently shared Two Tags and An Explanation for Where I've Been.  

I really liked the CP Tag, and decided to do it here:

Review: Grey's Anatomy 14x07 "Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story"

1,637 words

13 minute read

Tara and I watched this episode last night, and Tara commented how she missed reviewing things together.  So, we thought we'd comment on the disability representation here together - because what better way to celebrate four years of Tonia Says:

Happy Bloggerversary - 4 Years at Tonia Says (Part 3)

338 words

3 minute read

Finally, it's here, friends!

Tonia Says was created on July 29th, 2014 - and little did I know what great things would come from it.  Friendships, connections to the disability community, the opportunity to share my experience and have it mean something.  Have it help others.

Without further ado, here are the Top 3 posts on Tonia Says.  Thanks so much for being here.

[Image is: a cake with four candles being lit.]

3. Let's Talk About the Gap Between Disabled Adults and Parents of Kids with Disabilities - Another good one from 2016, tackling a difficult topic.  There's no denying that there's a gap between most nondisabled parents and disabled adults.  But today, I'm proud to say, one of my closest friends is a parent of a child with CP.  It is possible to bridge the gap, and I am so glad for that!

2.  An Open Letter to Whitney Ellenby - The only post from 2018 on the list, but I am glad it's this one.  The abuse of disabled children often goes unacknowledged, unreported, and excused.  There's never an 'understandable' reason to harm a disabled child.  

1. Parenting Kids with Disabilities: What You Can't See (Invisible Aspects of CP)  - So, I'm not gonna lie, I'm super happy that this post is the top one.  When brainstorming for the parenting series back in 2017, this post almost wasn't part of the series.  But my sis (who always has the most brilliant ideas) said: "What about a post describing all the things about CP parents can't see?" and bam.  When I sat down to write this, words just poured out.  I went back to it several times, to add more content that I had overlooked.  And it makes me so happy to know that people in the CP community as well as the nondisabled community who have a child with CP in their family have been so receptive to this post.

Click here for Part 1 and Part 2

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Happy Bloggerversary - 4 Years at Tonia Says (Part 2)

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Tomorrow's my bloggerversary, and I thought, to celebrate, I'd continue counting down the Top 10 posts I've written here (by views) since I first started blogging.  (Part 1 is here if you missed it.)  

[Image is: a cake with four candles being lit.]

The countdown keeps going today with the sixth, fifth and fourth most viewed post on Tonia Says:

6.  Dear Parents Whose Baby Has Just Been Diagnosed with CP - Going back to 2016 for this one.  (Actually reads like an earlier version of what ended up being my summer series in 2017.)  As always, wanted to get the message out that a CP diagnosis is not the end.  It's part of what makes your baby / child who they are.  


5.  Let's Talk About the Effects of Consistent Patronization - Another 2016 post here, about yet another topic I had never seen discussed.  There was not even a term for this, though I looked high and low for one before I wrote this post.  I'm really glad this one is widely read because I think it's important, as it speaks to an issue that really does not get talked about.

4.  What You Need to Know About Blogging About Your Disabled Kids - This one goes back even further, to 2015, and talks about a super important topic.  In an age where almost everything is fair game as far as blogging goes, I felt it was important to try and come up with some basic guidelines that protected the disabled kids / community from exploitative blogging that is so pervasive.

Tune in tomorrow (the official bloggerversary) for the Top 3 posts from Tonia Says!

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Happy Bloggerversary - 4 Years at Tonia Says (Part 1)

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Friends, on July 29th it will be 4 years I've been blogging at Tonia Says!  Can you believe it?

[Image is: a birthday cake with four candles: two candles lit, one being lit, and one yet to be lit.

Over the years, I have written many posts.  I want to share with you the Top Ten posts since I started blogging here.  Keep reading for 10-7:

10.  Parenting Kids With Disabilities: Autonomy and Consent - This was the final post in my parenting series last summer, and an issue I am super passionate about.  Too often, people with disabilities are treated as though or "no" does not matter, and that often starts in childhood.

9.  Parenting Kids With Disabilities: Helping Your Kids Accept Their Diagnosis - Another post from the summer series of 2017.  I'd read a lot of these types of posts by parents of kids with disabilities but nothing seemed to exist written by someone in the disability community.  So, this post was born.

8.  What You Need to Know About Pushing Someone's Wheelchair Without Permission - For this one, we're going all the way back to 2015!  Such a common issue in the disability community and again I'd yet to read a cohesive piece offering any insight or advice on the matter.  So, I wrote this, and it caught on.  I'm really glad it did.

7.  Book Review:  Me Before You by Jojo Moyes - Every once in a while, I read something, or watch something on TV and I post a review sharing my thoughts.  Long before this became a movie (November of 2015) I read this book and had to write up my thoughts.

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Interview with Alice Kina Diehl

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Today, I have the pleasure of interviewing Alice Kina Diehl.  You may remember back in February, I caught sight of her character, emergency medical dispatcher, Stephanie Gaskins, on an episode of the FOX show 9-1-1.  I blogged about the rare moment of positive representatation in this scene.

TONIA SAYS:  Authentic media representation for people with disabilities is sparse.  How did you first become interested in acting?  Was it something you always dreamed of doing, or something you grew interested in as you got older? 

ALICE KINA DIEHL:  I started acting when I was five years old. I had family members that were involved in the business way back when, and luckily they shared their gifts with me. But, it really started because I love movies so much, and I wanted to be a part of them.

Guest Post: How People With Disabilities Can Prepare For Parenthood

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I was contacted recently by Ashley Taylor, from disabledparents.org asking to write a piece with advice for those of us with disabilities on how to prepare our lives and homes for parenthood.  Here is her piece:

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Having a child is unlike any experience in life. The combination of joy, stress, and wonder cannot be understated. For the first time in your life, an entire human is completely dependent on you. That’s an amazing experience everyone should enjoy, which is why you are so excited about being pregnant.

But will your disability make a stressful time even harder? Will it interfere with raising your child? To be honest, everyone needs some tips and advice to prepare for parenthood. As with most aspects of having a disability, you will do some things differently but can otherwise be a great parent to your child. You just need to make some preparations, including some minor changes to your home.

Image Source: Pixabay

Making Your Home Ready

When you come home from the hospital, your baby will spend most of its time either in their crib or in your arms. But as Parents.com explains, they almost become mobile and quick before you know it. That’s why you have to make sure your home is safe.

Make sure all cleaning products are out of sight and behind a locked door. That’s also true for any medication you have to take to help with your disability. Don’t assume your small baby cannot reach what you can. Instead, keep it all secure. Use child-safe locks on cabinets whenever possible.

You’ll also need help keeping the place clean. It’s not like an infant needs a sterile environment, but they will need clean clothes, floors, and toys. If you can do this all by yourself, that’s perfect. If your disability makes that harder, don’t feel bad asking friends and family for help.

Preparing For A New Life

Besides getting your home ready for a newborn, you have to get yourself ready. Every parent faces the same loss of independence when they have to care for a child. However, The Mighty explains that you can face heartbreak if you feel your disability is getting in the way. Just remember that all parents struggle from time to time. As with life as a whole, just because you face different challenges doesn’t mean you cannot be successful.  

CNN.com recommends that you view parenting challenges that come from your disability as a way to bond with your child. Celebrate your differences by doing all you can to help your kid with (not despite) your different needs. As your child grows up, they can see your disability as something special that makes your relationship unique.

You’ll also have to worry about your finances. That can be tough if you’re on disability payments, which means you’ll have to be smart with your money. Consider speaking with a financial planner to learn how to secure an income that helps you raise your child.

Don’t Forget About Yourself

As the days turn into months, you will experience the joy of being a parent. But you can also feel a bit lost and overwhelmed. That’s why you have to remember your own needs. Whether that’s something related to your disability or not, you cannot ignore yourself.

That’s why The Treehouse recommends you practice some self-care in addition to taking care of your child. Eat well, get some exercise, and although it’s very hard during the first few weeks, get some sleep! Don’t feel like calling in a babysitter during this time is a bad thing. If it helps you get the rest and rejuvenation you need, then that means you can be a better parent to your child. That’s especially true for any needs related to your disability.

Enjoy This Special Time

Although being a new parent can be tiring and stressful, it’s worth it. You can make this time a little easier by preparing your home, getting your finances in order, and taking care of your own needs from time to time. Regardless of your disability, you can be an incredible parent this way.

Ashley Taylor is a disabled mother of two wonderful, amazing, energetic children. She met her husband, Tom, while doing physical therapy. Tom had suffered a spinal cord injury due to a car accident and uses a wheelchair for mobility. Ashley and Tom knew they wanted children and knew they would have to adapt their lives and home in order to make this dream come true. Ashley is happy to say that they are the proud parents of two healthy, wonderful children and their disabilities haven’t stopped them from leading a happy, fulfilling life. 

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