386 words
3 minute read
I was around eleven years old (and maybe in the midst of making a Father's Day gift) when I asked:
"Why isn't there a Kids' Day? Moms and Dads get their own day where they get presents and cards... Why don't kids?"
"You have your birthday," I was told.
"So do you," I said diplomatically. "Parents still get an extra day where everybody's nice to them. It's not fair."
"That's because every day is Kids' Day. Parents have to think about their kids every single day. But not the other way around."
I went back to what I was doing, feeling depressed. The message was loud and clear: Kids don't need appreciation, love and care. Parents do.
 |
| [A little girl with braided pigtails and her father are seen from the back. There's a good bit of space between them. Her father is only partially visible.] |
***
The Father's Day posts, though...
Today, they are everywhere I look...celebrating dads.
It's not that I don't want people to have had good experiences with their dads. I do. It's just...painful.
As with Mother's Day, there's a certain subset of people (ahem, trauma survivors) for whom Father's Day is nothing but a massive trigger. And if you were born around or on either day? It's worse.
So, I want to say to those of us who might be struggling a little (or a lot) today that however you need to get through today is okay. If you need to treat it like any other day, fantastic. If you need to process years of trauma, go for it (maybe a little at a time.) And if you are stuck living with or seeing a dad who hasn't been there for you? That hasn't treated you well...or even like a person?
It's okay if you just want today over.
It's okay to marathon your favorite show or bury yourself in a good book and just let yourself forget as much as possible.
***
If you haven't heard it yet today (or maybe ever) you are loved and you are important just because you're you.
I challenge those of us who struggle today to do something kind for ourselves (even something small) and know that we are not alone.
I'm with you.
***
Tonia,
ReplyDeleteOnce again your posts bring me so much comfort. Having grown up with. two mothers and having been adopted from India, I know very little about my birth family. Father’s Day has always made me feel uncomfortable in ways, especially when kids in school would be making Father’s Day presents in class. Thanks again for writing.
It's definitely really complicated as an adoptee. I see this. I hear you. I'm with you.
Delete