We Belong: Chapter 5

675 words

5 minute read

SOMETIMES, I CAN’T 

(Jesse)

In my dreams, I can talk to anyone.  But when I’m awake, I can’t.

I can talk to Mom and Dad, and Lexie and Seth at home or around other family we see all the time.  But not if we are out around other people I don’t know, or family I don’t know very well.  We have one girl cousin, Sophia, and I never even say her name.  My heart starts beating fast when I even think about it.

Mom and Dad don’t get it.  They used to make me stand in the corner if they found out I didn’t talk in school.  (The other place I can’t talk.)  They don’t make me do that anymore, but they still don’t understand, I don't think, because they've never talked to me about it.  I don’t really either.  It’s just scary to talk sometimes.

At home, when Lexie and I play, I’m the boss.  I pick what we do.  I pick what clothes I want to wear and then she picks some that kind of match, because she’s hyper about wanting to be twins all the time.  If I wear a blue shirt, she does.  It doesn’t bother me.  But I would have stopped dressing alike a long time ago.

That night, I dream Lexie and I are playing outside at our grandma and grandpa’s house.  We go there, but it’s empty.  Dream-Grandpa builds us a fort out of boxes and Lexie and I play in it all day long.

“Hey guys!  Guys!” I roll over before I get poked in the eye.  Seth will do that if you don’t open your eyes right when he wants you to.  “I want Cheerios!”

[Image: a bowl of Cheerios and milk.]

I groan and get up.  That’s another thing: being the oldest twin is being the oldest.  Lexie thinks it means we are both the oldest, but it doesn’t.  When Mom and Dad are asleep, I’m expected to make sure Seth doesn’t get in trouble, like the time he raided the fridge and we found him behind a living room chair eating pickles out of the jar.  I also have to help Lexie.  It’s no big deal, she helps me, too, but sometimes it bugs me when everybody tells me to help her.  I would anyway.  She’s my sister.

“Let’s play the quiet game,” I whisper.  I remember this from when Lexie and I were little.  Mom and Dad didn’t like us yelling in the car so they challenged us to the quiet game to see who could go the whole ride to the store without talking first.  I won.  I’m great at being quiet.

We walk past Mom and Dad who are sprawled out on the bed from the couch.  Dad’s snoring, and I cover my mouth so I don’t wake them up by laughing.

I pour myself some cereal, and some for Seth and some for Lexie.  She takes a while to get moving in the morning, especially if she doesn’t have to.  I’d still be sleeping, too, but I have to be in charge.  I put a Disney movie on the I-Pad for Seth and give him the headphones, hoping he won’t sing to every song at the top of his lungs.

“Morning, Sonny!” Dad says.  He’s awake now and seems happy.  “What do you say to going to Grandma and Grandpa Rowan’s today?  I hear Shane and Connor are over there.”

“Really?”

My day just got a billion times better.

“Lex!” I yell.  “Hurry up and get going!  We’re going to Grandma and Grandpa’s today!”

“Yay…” I hear her cheer in a tired voice from down the hall and behind her bedroom door.

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Questions for Discussion:

Jesse is the oldest twin.  He takes responsibility for Seth sometimes, and helps Lexie, too.  Do you have certain responsibilities related to your place in the family?

Sometimes, Jesse can't talk.  Is there anything you sometimes can't do?

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