1,695 words
13 minute read
TW: GIF Warning
Scenes referenced:
2x04, 39:12 - 37:47 remaining
TW: allusion to suicide attempt*
2x11, 29:44 - 26:49 remaining
TW: large fist fight, homophobic language, reference to suicide, pulled fire alarm
3x05, 45:02 - 42:38 remaining
TW: mention of rape, internalized ableism
4x02, 8:34 - 6:48 remaining
TW: discussion of suicide attempt / surviving a suicide attempt, internalized ableism*
***
Today, we’re going to be discussing Alex’s adaptive equipment -- specifically his AFO (or leg brace) and cane. While we don’t get a lot of insight from Alex about how he feels regarding his AFO, he does seem to particularly resent his cane.
Tara and I had a lot to unpack and discuss on these topics.
***
ALEX’S AFO:
It’s obvious that Alex wears an AFO on his left leg, because he wears it on the outside of his pants. After speaking to others in the disability community, the consensus is that this does seem to be the fashion. But it’s a major shift from what we knew growing up.
Do we want to discuss feelings or thoughts on seeing Alex’s leg brace worn so obviously, and how it differs from what we knew as kids?
TONIA: Growing up, we wore leg braces that were hidden by our clothing. Baggy sweatpants. Leg warmers or long white socks that could blend in with the white AFO and be folded down over the top strap for further disguising.
There was a lot of implied shame that went with the way we were taught to wear our AFOs back in the 80's and early 90's.
With the style shift to skinny jeans etc, disabled style has also shifted. I wonder about Alex’s thoughts about his brace, because we don’t hear from him much about it.
TARA: Alex seems to accept the AFO. Perhaps, he appreciates the stability it affords? Or maybe he feels less stigma attached to the AFO than to the cane? I mean, this is all purely conjecture, as we don't know how he feels.
On a personal note, I have experienced both an AFO for CP and an AFO post brain injury. I always found my AFO to be troubling and painful on my CP-affected leg, because of spasticity. However, on my brain injury-affected leg (hemiparesis), I welcomed the extra support. And due to the sensory deficits, the AFO itself didn’t bother me physically. (Emotionally, I always hid them under my pants legs.)
***
In 2x04, we see Alex point to his brace as an externalization of his disability -- an elaboration -- when he says he’s tired.
What do we think about this?
TONIA: To me, it feels a little bit redundant, but that’s because for me -- as someone with an apparent disability -- it’s already externalized. So, I don’t necessarily feel like it’s something for me to comment on.
Tara, I’d be interested in how Alex pointing to his brace while saying he’s tired clicks off for you?
TARA: I found the pointing interesting because often in brain injury recovery, the fatigue you feel is cognitive - brain fog. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, this can feel like an intense flu - it’s very physical. I was intrigued to see Alex perhaps externalize this by pointing to his AFO - something visible - to describe an invisible phenomenon.
With hemiparesis, physical tiredness often presents more like clumsiness, due to a lack of sensation, which is why I’m leaning toward the cognitive fatigue explanation.
***
 |
| [Alex uses his cane as a weapon in the hallway fight.] |
In 2x11, Alex uses his cane as a weapon in a big fight in the school hallway.
Should we discuss using adaptive equipment as weapons?
TONIA: We use our bodies as weapons at times, it would make sense, I think, to talk about how disabled people adapt and use our adaptive equipment to fight back.
I kind of love seeing this represented.
To be clear, I don’t love violence, but I love seeing the ingenuity of disabled people shown by Alex’s use of his cane to defend Zach, who’s being attacked by Monty.
This fight in and of itself is notable, because Alex willingly participates and it’s not used as an excuse to frame him as exceptionally helpless. He comes in fighting for a friend.
TARA: Yes, I noticed this too!
TONIA: And yes, he gets knocked down, but Zach immediately helps Alex up, so it’s never about seeing the ‘poor disabled kid’ suffer needlessly.
Alex is a part of things because he wants to be. He’s defending friends and being defended, and using what he has access to.
***
In 3x05, Alex accidentally causes Jessica to spill hot chocolate on herself. He rushes to get napkins, but Justin gets there first (from across the coffee shop.) Frustrated, Alex goes outside and attempts to smash his cane against a lightpost. When that doesn’t work, he discards it in the middle of the street.
He ends up needing (and getting) a replacement cane off-screen.
Can we discuss the propensity for media to include scenes where disabled characters destroy their adaptive equipment?
TARA: It’s an interesting concept when viewed from a nondisabled lens - how to portray something as intangible as internalized ableism?
As a disabled person, I noticed the following in the scene, prior to the attempt to destroy the cane:
1) Alex being faced with the reality of not feeling like enough. Not fast enough or useful enough to be helpful to Jessica. Not attractive enough to hold her attention. (Being the only disabled person in a nondisabled space can definitely bring about a general feeling of wrongness.)
2) This then leads to a feeling of uselessness, impotence and shame.
3) Inevitably, this leads to Nondisabled Yearning. (Yes, this is a thing for many / most disabled people at some point in their lives - even those disabled from birth.)
But how does one write or portray Nondisabled Yearning? It’s complex, layered and invisible. And I guess I can sort of see the impact of destroying a mobility aid in that moment. The message is pretty clear - even to someone completely unfamiliar with Alex’s circumstances.
TONIA: I’ll admit to not loving this scene.
While I definitely relate to not being fast enough to help someone, and that level of frustration. It just does not make sense (as someone who relies on adaptive equipment to move at all) for a character to attempt to destroy his, as Alex does. Because he’ll definitely be slower without his cane than he ever was using it. It seems an act entrenched in self-loathing.
TARA: It is! I also see it as an extension of the Overcoming Disability Narrative or the Bootstraps Mentality. Where working hard enough - or mind over matter - can essentially “cure” disability. In Alex’s mind, if he doesn’t have the cane to rely on, then he will (hopefully) learn to live without it. This doesn’t end up happening. We later see Alex with a different cane
TONIA: I can’t help but seeing, too, the privilege or entitlement or just not being aware of how much adaptive equipment can cost and how long it can take to acquire. While I realize that canes are probably more widely available than Canadian crutches or wheelchairs, it still frustrates me, knowing how much so many disabled people need their adaptive equipment and are forced to wait six months or longer to get what we need, (if our insurance will cover it at all.)
Actually disabled people would rarely attempt to destroy our mobility aids because we need them.
TARA: Would the same scene play if the actor actually had hemiparesis and needed the cane?
TONIA: I think that’s the question, isn’t it? It’s scenes like this that really display the lack of personal insight / experience with disability.
TARA: Necessity is the mother of invention! So, I do wonder - if there wasn't the choice to destroy the actor’s medical accommodation - what that scene would look like!
***
In 4x02, we see Alex say that he “worked hard in PT” and “got rid of that fucking cane.” And it’s true. Back in season 3, we see this progression. In April, he uses his cane and by November, he no longer uses it.
Should we talk about the transition from mobility aid to none?
TONIA: Again, I don’t necessarily feel that this is my lane. My only transitions with adaptive equipment involved replacing one for another. Yes, sometimes that meant using a less stable option (crutches instead of a walker). And that transition never felt particularly safe or secure.
Tara, how do you feel about Alex’s transition to not needing a mobility aid?
TARA: It’s one more thing that I’ve never seen represented without there being a cure storyline! So, that’s interesting, I think!
As far as how the transition is portrayed on “13,” I liked that we still see affected gait at different times without the cane.
TONIA: This is true. Even though Alex transitions to not needing the cane, he still does have the brain injury, which is rare.
TARA: While I liked the idea of Alex taking up weightlifting in Season 3, I thought the portrayal of that definitely took some liberties, particularly as it seemed to closely coincide with the loss of the cane. I would have expected some balance issues to present, as Alex got used to his gait pattern without the cane WHILE also contending with additional weight.
TONIA: Yes, I remember taking weight training with you in college, and we each did struggle when it came to the areas that were affected by our diagnoses. (I could lift more with my arms than I could with my legs -- and I think you likely struggled with your left side -- not being able to lift as much as your right.)
This was interesting to discuss.
Thanks for talking about it with me!
***
Have you seen 13 Reasons Why on Netflix?
Did reading our conversation about Alex's adaptive equipment help you realize anything or notice anything you hadn't registered before?
We'd love to hear from you in the comments.
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