13 Reasons Why: Alex's Relationship with Charlie

3,254 words

25 minute read

TW: GIF Warning

1) 4x05, 29:30 - 27:36 remaining  

TW: marijuana, discussion of parental death due to illness

2) 4x05, 10:35 - 8:47 remaining

TW: marijuana

3) 4x06, 9:58 - 8:48 remaining

TW: internalized ableism

4) 4x07, 18:12 - 16:29 remaining

TW: internalized ableism

5) 4x08, 7:39 - 7:10 remaining

TW: unconscious student, car fire, explosion

6) 4x09, 17:14 - 12:38 remaining

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In the last half of season 4, we see Alex become friends with and eventually begin a relationship with football player, Charlie St. George.  There's a lot to unpack here.  So like some of the previous posts, we're going to make sure and cover several of the scenes Alex and Charlie share together, so we can really delve into what's happening on screen.

***

Scene 1:

Alex: [watches It’s A Wonderful Life alone at the Find Your Drink party. He hugs a pillow.]

Clay (Voice-Over): Sometimes, I wish I had more of the good kinds of secrets, like a secret friend. 

TARA: This is sort of cringey to connect to Alex. Do his friendships bring such shame that they must be secret?

TONIA: Or the continued reference to Alex being the secret friend that no one can own up to having?

Charlie: [enters, surprised to see Alex] Hey! You, uh, made it! What are you doing in here?

Alex: I’m hiding. [chuckles] I’m not really sure why I came.

Charlie: [closes the curtains he came through]  Yeah, I hear you. Uh, do you want a cookie? [Charlie pulls a baggie of homemade cookies from his pocket.]

Alex: You seriously brought cookies to a Find Your Drink party? 

Charlie: Well, these are special cookies. [He sits beside Alex on the loveseat, opening the Ziploc and offering it to Alex.]

Alex: Oh, shit. [He selects a cookie.] I didn’t know you were a stoner. [He takes a bite of the cookie.]

Charlie: I prefer the term “cannabisseur.” [He starts eating a cookie as well.]

Alex: ...These are actually really good cookies. 

Charlie: [nods]

Alex: And they don’t stink. You’re like a baker or something. 

Charlie: I, uh, had to learn how. My mom died when I was 13. So, uh, me and my dad, we had to figure it all out. 

Alex: Oh, shit. I’m sorry.

Charlie: [shakes his head] It’s all good. I, uh, actually learned how to make these to help my mom through chemo. 

Alex: [shakes his head] Oh man, Charlie. I’m so sorry. 

Charlie: Yeah, no, it’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine. But it’s fine that it’s not fine, if that makes sense.

Alex: Yeah, no, it totally does. I wish I could be fine with not being fine. 

Charlie: You will be...someday. 

TARA:  What I like about this particular scene is that Alex and Charlie already have an established friendship. They’re able to easily navigate a conversation about loss, grief and acceptance. Alex appears to take in Charlie’s reassurance, because it comes from a place of experience.

TONIA:  Yes, I love that aspect!

Alex: Wow, you and me do not know how to party.

Charlie: [snickers] Or do we, and everyone else has it wrong?

TONIA:  I think being able to have this moment with Charlie -- to not have it be made into a big thing -- Alex needing time by himself at a big social event.  Instead, Charlie suggests maybe he and Alex know how to party “and everyone else has it wrong.”

So often, disabled people are shamed for “being antisocial” by nondisabled people who don’t have the context of overstimulation, depression, anxiety, worry about being knocked over in a crowd, or any of a million other things at play when you’re disabled at a party.

Charlie joining Alex where he is and - agreeing that he doesn’t know why he came either - breaks through Alex’s isolation in this moment - and that is so vital.  Because sometimes, we just need you to join us where we are, instead of needing to break ourselves in half trying to be in nondisabled spaces.

TARA: Yes, there’s no striving or expectation of striving!

TONIA: It’s so important to see that represented in this scene.

***

Scene 2:

[Alex and Charlie watch It’s A Wonderful Life. They are stoned.]

Alex: ...Do you think it really is a wonderful life?

Charlie: Sometimes. Yeah.

TONIA:  I think this honesty is something Alex has been waiting a long time for.  

There’s a lot of toxic positivity around disability -- and almost an encouragement to deny that any change has taken place in your loved one after a brain injury.  To acknowledge change, for some, can feel -- because of ableism (internalized or otherwise) -- like we are saying we love them less.

When, in fact, it’s denying their lived reality that does some massive harm and increases their isolation.

We saw on Alex's birthday just how misunderstood Alex feels, in part, because of his brother’s denial of how his brain injury has changed him.

So, the fact that Charlie is honest with Alex here and says, “Sometimes,” it is a wonderful life -- after sharing about his own loss?  

That is powerful, as you said earlier, Tara.

TARA: Experiencing gaslighting as a disabled person is exceedingly common! And after a brain injury, it seems to be almost a given. Either we’re being gaslit, or we’re gaslighting ourselves - denying our own reality. 

In either situation, authenticity is rare. As a result, we can crave it. And these little moments of truth are everything. 

***

Scene 3:

[After a terrifying active shooter drill, Alex and Charlie slide out from underneath some computer desks in the library.]

Alex: Yeah, that [auditory hallucinations] happened to me before, last year early on, but...it hadn’t happened in awhile. [He puts on his backpack.]

Charlie: [nods, shrugs] That was the stress [of the drill]. 

Alex: Yeah, how did you know, like, what it was?

Charlie: [smiles in a “You caught me” way] Uh, I, um… I Googled TBIs a while back. Just to, you know, uh, know what they entailed. Like, what you were going through. 

[Alex and Charlie in the scene described above.]

TONIA:  I think this is such an important moment for Alex and Charlie.  For Alex to know that Charlie knew what to do because he took the time to look into it and learn on his own.

TARA: To do this shows a level of interest and a level of care. Often, there’s an expectation of emotional labor and teaching on a disabled person’s part in an interabled relationship. Charlie taking initiative means a lot.

Alex: Oh yeah, um… Yeah, you know, I’m a freak, so…

TONIA:  And I’m glad we see Alex’s reaction here, too.  I feel like this is a really accurate reaction -- especially for a high school kid to have.  I feel like, if it were me, I’d either react like Alex, or I’d be overly grateful that Charlie Googled something…

TARA: The injury is still new for Alex. We develop all sorts of defense and coping mechanisms when it comes to discussing our disabilities in public. Alex often seems to resort to leaning into self-deprecation through internalized ableism, and this makes sense 1) at this point in his disability journey and 2) because making light of the situation can feel safer when you’re not 100% certain how your conversation partner will react. 

Charlie: No. No, no, no. [He steps closer to Alex and kisses him softly.] 

Alex: That...was surprising.

Charlie: Surprising good or surprising bad? [chuckles] 

Alex: [kisses him back, as Tony walks in]

Tony: Well, you two recovered.

[Alex and Charlie stop kissing abruptly, turning quickly toward Tony.]

Alex: Kind of.

Tony: [chuckles, shaking his head]

Charlie: What?

Tony: Well, I should have seen that coming.

TARA: And yeah, Alex said it. This type of earnest acceptance is surprising, because of ableism. I love that we continue to see this type of care and attraction for Alex as a person, because it is so rare in disability representation. 

***

Scene 4:

[Charlie approaches Alex at the waterfront.]

Alex: How did you find me?

TARA:  Alex was content to chalk the kiss up to the heat of the moment, but in the next episode, Charlie is shown to want a relationship with Alex. We have the unwanted pursuit being explored here, and because Charlie presents as non-threatening and white, he is not seen as a menace. 

TONIA:  He’s also portrayed as “a kid” because he’s younger than most of the friend group.  Add this to his “d*mb jock” stereotype and just kind of how happy-go-lucky he is…

TARA:  So, Charlie’s actions (which include a nonconsensual kiss / grab from behind earlier in the episode) are more easily forgiven than Zach’s - who has been shown also doing a lot of nonconsensual grabbing.

TONIA: Portrayal makes a huge difference!  These things are usually highest on my radar, but because “Oh, it’s Charlie,” I didn’t even notice that he’s clearly not respecting Alex’s boundaries here.  And I’ve watched it several times!

Charlie: Your mom. Don’t worry, I told her it was about homework. Not the fact that you like boys, at least sometimes, and you’re also breaking my heart. 

TARA: I’ve heard it said that “The only difference between romantic pursuit and stalking is how the other person feels about what’s happening.” 

Alex does not want to be pursued at this point, so this part feels less romantic and more intimidating or like a power imbalance to me.

TONIA: Yes.  

Not romantic, but to highlight disabled / nondisabled interaction and what can feel like a power imbalance to disabled people (and us as disabled women.)  I recall a time when a local politician (a nondisabled white man -- at least not apparently disabled) was going door to door.  

As this was pre-pandemic (and pre-boundaries) we opened the door to him.  At the time, we lived in a small, one bedroom apartment.  

This man surprised us by not staying in the hall.  Instead, he walked in to give his pitch, standing in front of our closed door.

It freaked us out.

But it did not appear to register to him that what he was doing might be threatening.

Alex: I’m not breaking your heart.

Charlie: You definitely are.

Alex: Why? Why would you like someone like me? 

Charlie: [shaking his head] See, there you go, doing that “self-depreciating” thing.

Alex: It’s “deprecating.” 

Charlie: You do...that self-deprecating thing where you think it’s about you. But what you’re saying is I’m dumb for liking you. You’re, like, questioning my taste. And the thing is, I have excellent taste. 

TARA: And here we see Alex’s internalized ableism meeting Charlie’s desire and attraction. These are definitely issues that deserve space and exploration, and I’m glad they’re being shown. Alex feels largely undeserving of love and goodness, and this begs the question, “Is the implication here that Alex needs to be pursued in order to be assured that he is wanted?” 

TONIA:  If so, I think that may be a really cautious line for “13” to explore.

TARA: Often, with a disability, we do need more reassurance -- I know I do! I was curious to see this explored. 

And the bigger questions remain: Is this safe representation? Charlie does cross a boundary, in my opinion, in finding out Alex’s location against his wishes. But he also listens later on when Alex asks him not to follow him.

TONIA:  This is true.  We do often need more reassurance.  And it is an interesting aspect to explore.  

I think the question of whether the representation is safe is down to the individual viewer.  Because, for some, a guy who checks with your mom to find out where you are might be creepy, but it might be sweet, like you said in the quote from above.  It’s all down to how being pursued (and who is doing the pursuing) makes you feel.

TARA: Ultimately, it also depends on how Alex himself feels about Charlie’s actions.

TONIA: Something else I notice:  We see a flash of Charlie’s insecurity here, perhaps, taking Alex’s words as an insult  Instead of asking Alex a question back like “How did you mean that?” or “Why did you say that?” Charlie jumps to Alex “questioning his taste.”

This is a really major issue that can come into play between someone with aphasia or cognitive fatigue and someone without.  It’s something I (who previously was super insecure about asking questions) had to learn to do because it was an accommodation that was needed for our communication.  

So, while I wish Charlie had asked a question back, I do think this is really realistic.  It’s something that has taken me a long time to be able to reliably put into practice (which is a shame, because, in my experience, it’s easy to accommodate those you love.)

TARA: This is an interesting point! Also, Charlie doesn’t answer Alex’s question about why he likes him.

TONIA: Yes, it becomes about Charlie being insulted, and Alex’s question doesn’t get answered.  

Alex: [shakes his head] You’re very confident.

Charlie: [nods] I am very confident. You know, most people find that attractive.

Alex: I’m suspicious of confident people.

Charlie: Okay. 

Alex: Okay. 

Charlie: Well, I’m confident enough to be okay with that. 

Alex: Well, I’m not confident, okay? I never have been. 

TARA: I love seeing nondisabled confidence versus disabled insecurity being touched on here. Alex claims this has always been the case, but this exchange does highlight a very general cultural difference. It’s difficult, though not impossible, for a disabled person to feel and project confidence due to constant ableism. 

TONIA: A new friend once said, “I love your writing!  Trust me, I’m confident in this!” or something of that nature, and I very nearly scripted Alex here in my own response, telling her:

“I’m suspicious of confident people.”

But I was not sure it would make sense / translate.  Especially if the friend had not seen the show.

Back to your point, Tara:  I think Alex’s suspicion or insecurity around nondisabled confidence is so important to portray!  As I shared in an earlier example, nondisabled confidence often leads to situations that disabled folks can perceive as threatening.  Nondisabled confidence can lead to them making decisions for us and steam-rolling us in the process.

Or doing what Charlie is doing and pursuing Alex when he clearly does not want to be found.

Alex: And I have a brain injury, and I’ve done these terrible things that I’m never going to get away from. I’m not a good person. And you have this, like, king-of-the-world jock thing, so I’m never going to win an argument about why we shouldn’t be together. You’re gonna just have to take my word for it. [sighs] I’m going to walk away now. Please don’t follow me. [He walks away]

Charlie: [stands alone]

TARA: Alex’s feeling of powerlessness stands out to me here. He states that he cannot compete with Charlie verbally to talk him out of the pursuit, alluding to high stress / high cognitive load and / or aphasia. He’s also at Charlie’s mercy while walking away, having to ask not to be followed. 

It’s a specific experience, knowing your vulnerability in everyday encounters like this. Charlie is able-bodied and could easily continue to pursue or even harass Alex in this moment.   

TONIA: To me, it stands out that Charlie listens.

More often, the nondisabled person in this dynamic would (I think) follow because of the common belief that Nondisabled People Know Best.  There is often the perception that they even know disabled people best and what is good for us.  This often supersedes our self-determination and autonomy.

***

Scene 5:

In 4x08, we see Alex search for Charlie amidst the chaotic student protest against school resource officers. He finds him unconscious on the ground, and then notices a car on fire nearby. Alex yells, “Fire!” and directs students to move away, attempting to pull Charlie to safety as the car explodes.

How do we feel about this scene? 

TONIA:  I think it would be easy to point to this and be like, “But we’ve already seen Alex save Justin.”  But nondisbled people intervene and rescue others all the time.  

I think this kind of thing is so groundbreaking, it can’t be shown enough.

That disabled people can save others -- and that there are multiple ways to save others -- and we’ve seen Alex do all kinds of things to save his friends -- and even people who aren’t his friends.

TARA: Agreed. While Alex’s worth does not lie in his ability or productivity, representation like this shows what is possible. The common media trope of a disabled person seeming passive and / or helpless has existed on “13.” However, we also see protection and action, and it is so powerful seeing a disabled character as a three-dimensional person. 

***

Scene 6:

In 4x09, we see Alex and Charlie crowned prom royalty. It’s not a pity vote, but instead, a nod to Charlie as the school’s popular quarterback. During their slow dance:

Charlie: Are you sad? Right now?

Alex: Some part of me will always be sad. And another part of me is happier than I’ve ever been before.

How does this representation land? And how do we feel about their exchange about sadness?

TARA: It’s refreshing to see a disabled person in an authentic relationship at prom. And quite honestly, it was downright surprising to see him crowned royalty legitimately, not as a pity thing.

Tonia, what did you think? I know disabled people and proms have a complicated history as of late…

TONIA: It was so refreshing to see Alex crowned legitimately.  At a time when there are segregated proms and when, each spring, we can guarantee to see a ‘feel-good’ / ableist story about some nondisabled kid who asks a disabled kid to prom.  Part of me still watches them get crowned and holds my breath for the ‘inspirational music’ and the news crew in the wings to document how “nice” Charlie is, and the school is, for ‘letting’ Alex win.

This is not what happens in “13” but it’s what we’ve been conditioned to expect because of years of harmful representation.  I’m so glad this show tells a respectful story of disabled prom royalty instead.

TARA:  And Charlie’s question about sadness always catches me off-guard. It shows me how close the two are, and how in tune he is to Alex’s emotions. And Alex’s response really resonated with me as someone with chronic depression. I loved this whole plot point so much.

TONIA: Yes!  It’s so unexpected but shows Charlie is so in tune with Alex.  Checking in on Alex during a big moment like this shows so much respect and Alex’s response is so real for those of us who have chronic depression.  (Something I’ve also had since childhood.)

This representation is beyond important.  It shows that those of us who are disabled and who perhaps, also, have a coexisting mental health condition, don't have to deny sadness and depression just because of a happy life moment -- sometimes, those can be the most difficult.

I’m so glad we took time to discuss Alex and Charlie in such depth.  There’s a lot to their dynamic.

***

Have you seen 13 Reasons Why on Netflix?  

Did reading our conversation about Alex's relationship with Charlie help you realize anything or notice anything you hadn't registered before?  

We'd love to hear from you in the comments.

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