Unpacking "I Can't": An Interview with Alice Kina Diehl

466 words

4 minute read

If you've read Tonia Says over the years, I know you'll recognize who I'm interviewing next.  

I first blogged about Alice Kina Diehl after seeing her as emergency dispatcher Stephanie Gaskins on the FOX show 9-1-1.  Months later, her wife, Amanda, contacted me online and I was able to do this interview with Alice about her acting career.  And over the summer, I interviewed Alice again about pandemic life.

So, I was thrilled that Alice said yes to being interviewed again about the complicated relationship many of us disabled people have with the phrase, "I can't."  Alice is no exception.

Here's what she has to say:

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Were you allowed to say “I can’t” when you were growing up?

ALICE:  Yes, I was allowed to say it at home. But not at school. That was seen as a weakness by teachers.

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What do you mean as a person with a disability when you say, “I can’t?” (Are there cultural nuances to the phrase that get misunderstood?)

ALICE:  It means that my body is done for the day and tomorrow is a new day.

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What risks or vulnerabilities exist in saying “I can’t” as a disabled person?

ALICE:  There can be a lot of gaslighting involved. And also loss of jobs/work.

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Do you have any memories of saying or wanting to say, “I can’t?” How was this limit received? 

ALICE:  All the time in school. 

And it was the same thing when I went into the regular workforce. People thought I was faking it. They would yell at my mother for keeping me home. 

One time, I tried to stay home because my friend [had] passed away, and they said that was not…acceptable, even though my disability affects my emotions, and how I process things.

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[Alice (middle) poses with her wife, Amanda (left) and dog, Marla]

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What message was conveyed to you because of moments like this? 

ALICE:  That our society has a lot of work to be done as far as how they view disability.

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Have your experiences contributed to the way you set or struggle to set boundaries?

ALICE:  Absolutely. It happened this week for me. I was supposed to work three days in the industry, and I only worked one. Part of me wants to see that [as a] failure. But at least I was able to do one.

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Anything more you’d like to add?

ALICE:  Just believe us when we say that we can’t make it for a day. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t hire us or include us. It just means that you have to adapt to us.

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UNPACKING "I CAN'T WITH: Tonia / Tara / Amanda / Alice

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Find out more about Alice Kina Diehl:

IMDB / Instagram / Rollin Stoned