Unpacking "I Can't": An Interview with Amanda Diehl

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We're back again this week with another opportunity to unpack what "I can't" means to disabled people.  This week, I'm interviewing my friend, Amanda Diehl about their experiences with the phrase "I can't."

As you'll find, there are some definite similarities across the stories shared so far, but Amanda also discusses the impact needing to say "I can't" in the workforce can have.

Here's what they have to say:

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Were you allowed to say “I can’t” when you were growing up?

AMANDA:  Absolutely not. If I tried, [I was told], “Yes you can.” I would then have to try.

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What do you mean as a person with a disability when you say, “I can’t?” (Are there cultural nuances to the phrase that get misunderstood?)

AMANDA:  “I can’t” means I’m out of spoons.  My body isn’t able to continue what it’s doing.

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What risks or vulnerabilities exist in saying “I can’t” as a disabled person?

AMANDA:  Loss of job, if you have one.

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Do you have any memories of saying or wanting to say, “I can’t?” How was this limit received? 

AMANDA:  When I was a Vet Tech, I was eventually made to work 6 days a week. When I said, “I can’t do that because of my illness,” I was called several names on a couple occasions and told to suck it up.

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[ID:  Amanda and their dog, Marla, cuddle.  Amanda is frowning.]

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What message was conveyed to you because of moments like this? 

AMANDA:  That I needed to try harder. I know that’s not true now, but then it made me feel weak.

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Have your experiences contributed to the way you set or struggle to set boundaries?

AMANDA:  Yup! I struggled a lot for a long time, and it’s taken some long therapy sessions to help with it.

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UNPACKING "I CAN'T WITH: Tonia / Tara / Amanda / Alice