13 Reasons Why: Alex's Adaptive Equipment

1,695 words

13 minute read

TW: GIF Warning

Scenes referenced:

2x04, 39:12 - 37:47 remaining  

TW: allusion to suicide attempt*

2x11, 29:44 - 26:49 remaining  

TW: large fist fight, homophobic language, reference to suicide, pulled fire alarm

3x05, 45:02 - 42:38 remaining

TW: mention of rape, internalized ableism

4x02, 8:34 - 6:48 remaining  

TW: discussion of suicide attempt / surviving a suicide attempt, internalized ableism*

***

Today, we’re going to be discussing Alex’s adaptive equipment -- specifically his AFO (or leg brace) and cane.  While we don’t get a lot of insight from Alex about how he feels regarding his AFO, he does seem to particularly resent his cane.

Tara and I had a lot to unpack and discuss on these topics.

***

ALEX’S AFO:

It’s obvious that Alex wears an AFO on his left leg, because he wears it on the outside of his pants.  After speaking to others in the disability community, the consensus is that this does seem to be the fashion.  But it’s a major shift from what we knew growing up.

Do we want to discuss feelings or thoughts on seeing Alex’s leg brace worn so obviously, and how it differs from what we knew as kids?

TONIA: Growing up, we wore leg braces that were hidden by our clothing.  Baggy sweatpants.  Leg warmers or long white socks that could blend in with the white AFO and be folded down over the top strap for further disguising.

There was a lot of implied shame that went with the way we were taught to wear our AFOs back in the 80's and early 90's.

With the style shift to skinny jeans etc, disabled style has also shifted.  I wonder about Alex’s thoughts about his brace, because we don’t hear from him much about it.

TARA: Alex seems to accept the AFO. Perhaps, he appreciates the stability it affords? Or maybe he feels less stigma attached to the AFO than to the cane? I mean, this is all purely conjecture, as we don't know how he feels. 

On a personal note, I have experienced both an AFO for CP and an AFO post brain injury. I always found my AFO to be troubling and painful on my CP-affected leg, because of spasticity. However, on my brain injury-affected leg (hemiparesis), I welcomed the extra support. And due to the sensory deficits, the AFO itself didn’t bother me physically. (Emotionally, I always hid them under my pants legs.)

***

In 2x04, we see Alex point to his brace as an externalization of his disability -- an elaboration -- when he says he’s tired.

What do we think about this?

TONIA:  To me, it feels a little bit redundant, but that’s because for me -- as someone with an apparent disability -- it’s already externalized.  So, I don’t necessarily feel like it’s something for me to comment on.

Tara, I’d be interested in how Alex pointing to his brace while saying he’s tired clicks off for you?

TARA: I found the pointing interesting because often in brain injury recovery, the fatigue you feel is cognitive - brain fog. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, this can feel like an intense flu - it’s very physical. I was intrigued to see Alex perhaps externalize this by pointing to his AFO - something visible - to describe an invisible phenomenon.

With hemiparesis, physical tiredness often presents more like clumsiness, due to a lack of sensation, which is why I’m leaning toward the cognitive fatigue explanation. 

***

[Alex uses his cane as a weapon in the hallway fight.]

In 2x11, Alex uses his cane as a weapon in a big fight in the school hallway.

Should we discuss using adaptive equipment as weapons?

TONIA: We use our bodies as weapons at times, it would make sense, I think, to talk about how disabled people adapt and use our adaptive equipment to fight back.

I kind of love seeing this represented.

To be clear, I don’t love violence, but I love seeing the ingenuity of disabled people shown by Alex’s use of his cane to defend Zach, who’s being attacked by Monty.

This fight in and of itself is notable, because Alex willingly participates and it’s not used as an excuse to frame him as exceptionally helpless.  He comes in fighting for a friend.

TARA: Yes, I noticed this too!

TONIA: And yes, he gets knocked down, but Zach immediately helps Alex up, so it’s never about seeing the ‘poor disabled kid’ suffer needlessly.

Alex is a part of things because he wants to be.  He’s defending friends and being defended, and using what he has access to.

***

In 3x05, Alex accidentally causes Jessica to spill hot chocolate on herself.  He rushes to get napkins, but Justin gets there first (from across the coffee shop.)  Frustrated, Alex goes outside and attempts to smash his cane against a lightpost.  When that doesn’t work, he discards it in the middle of the street.

He ends up needing (and getting) a replacement cane off-screen.

Can we discuss the propensity for media to include scenes where disabled characters destroy their adaptive equipment?

TARA: It’s an interesting concept when viewed from a nondisabled lens - how to portray something as intangible as internalized ableism? 

As a disabled person, I noticed the following in the scene, prior to the attempt to destroy the cane:

1)  Alex being faced with the reality of not feeling like enough. Not fast enough or useful enough to be helpful to Jessica. Not attractive enough to hold her attention. (Being the only disabled person in a nondisabled space can definitely bring about a general feeling of wrongness.)

2)  This then leads to a feeling of uselessness, impotence and shame. 

3)  Inevitably, this leads to Nondisabled Yearning. (Yes, this is a thing for many / most disabled people at some point in their lives - even those disabled from birth.) 

But how does one write or portray Nondisabled Yearning? It’s complex, layered and invisible. And I guess I can sort of see the impact of destroying a mobility aid in that moment. The message is pretty clear - even to someone completely unfamiliar with Alex’s circumstances. 

TONIA:  I’ll admit to not loving this scene.

While I definitely relate to not being fast enough to help someone, and that level of frustration.  It just does not make sense (as someone who relies on adaptive equipment to move at all) for a character to attempt to destroy his, as Alex does.  Because he’ll definitely be slower without his cane than he ever was using it.  It seems an act entrenched in self-loathing.

TARA: It is! I also see it as an extension of the Overcoming Disability Narrative or the Bootstraps Mentality. Where working hard enough - or mind over matter - can essentially “cure” disability. In Alex’s mind, if he doesn’t have the cane to rely on, then he will (hopefully) learn to live without it. This doesn’t end up happening. We later see Alex with a different cane

TONIA: I can’t help but seeing, too, the privilege or entitlement or just not being aware of how much adaptive equipment can cost and how long it can take to acquire.  While I realize that canes are probably more widely available than Canadian crutches or wheelchairs, it still frustrates me, knowing how much so many disabled people need their adaptive equipment and are forced to wait six months or longer to get what we need, (if our insurance will cover it at all.)

Actually disabled people would rarely attempt to destroy our mobility aids because we need them.

TARA: Would the same scene play if the actor actually had hemiparesis and needed the cane?

TONIA:  I think that’s the question, isn’t it?  It’s scenes like this that really display the lack of personal insight / experience with disability.

TARA: Necessity is the mother of invention! So, I do wonder - if there wasn't the choice to destroy the actor’s medical accommodation - what that scene would look like!

***

In 4x02, we see Alex say that he “worked hard in PT” and “got rid of that fucking cane.”  And it’s true.  Back in season 3, we see this progression.  In April, he uses his cane and by November, he no longer uses it.

Should we talk about the transition from mobility aid to none?

TONIA:  Again, I don’t necessarily feel that this is my lane.  My only transitions with adaptive equipment involved replacing one for another.  Yes, sometimes that meant using a less stable option (crutches instead of a walker).  And that transition never felt particularly safe or secure.

Tara, how do you feel about Alex’s transition to not needing a mobility aid?

TARA: It’s one more thing that I’ve never seen represented without there being a cure storyline! So, that’s interesting, I think!

As far as how the transition is portrayed on “13,” I liked that we still see affected gait at different times without the cane. 

TONIA:   This is true.  Even though Alex transitions to not needing the cane, he still does have the brain injury, which is rare.

TARA:  While I liked the idea of Alex taking up weightlifting in Season 3, I thought the portrayal of that definitely took some liberties, particularly as it seemed to closely coincide with the loss of the cane. I would have expected some balance issues to present, as Alex got used to his gait pattern without the cane WHILE also contending with additional weight. 

TONIA:  Yes, I remember taking weight training with you in college, and we each did struggle when it came to the areas that were affected by our diagnoses. (I could lift more with my arms than I could with my legs -- and I think you likely struggled with your left side -- not being able to lift as much as your right.)

This was interesting to discuss.

Thanks for talking about it with me!

***

Return to the Table of Contents

***

Have you seen 13 Reasons Why on Netflix?  

Did reading our conversation about Alex's adaptive equipment help you realize anything or notice anything you hadn't registered before?  

We'd love to hear from you in the comments.

***

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Connect with Tara on Twitter @TaraJean

13 Reasons Why: Alex's Style

1,548 words

12 minute read

This post is going to be a bit different than the ones we’ve done so far.  In large part because Alex (and his brain injury) are present for the entire remainder of the show.

This was really the first time we’ve ever gotten to see disabled style reflected over the long term on a show and Tara and I have been really excited to talk about it.

There will be accompanying pictures, which we’ll describe in our conversation.

***

ALEX’S STYLE SHIFT: 

TONIA: When we meet Alex in season 1, he has a nose ring.  He wears a watch and dresses in layers of fancy trendy shirts, skinny jeans and dressy shoes and a watch.

In season 2, we can see the ways Alex’s style has shifted:

He no longer wears the nose ring or the watch (because those things take a major amount of coordination and time.)  

But we see he’s still able to retain the basis of the style he likes: layering soft tee shirts with open long sleeved shirts and sweatpants.  His shoes have also changed, to functional, sturdy tennis shoes he can wear over his brace.

And by season 4, Alex has really settled into himself and his look.  (Which is largely the same as he has in season 2 with a few alterations -- I believe he’s wearing jeans more often now, for example.)

***

WHY IT’S SIGNIFICANT:

TONIA: Seeing disabled style represented on screen in a respectful way is rare.

I personally love seeing the creative thought and adaptation at play that allows Alex to continue exploring his style and finding himself.  That’s not something that fades away or becomes irrelevant once he is injured, because Alex is not one-dimensional.

Like most kids his age, he is trying to find himself and express himself, and style is a way kids do that -- yes, even disabled kids.

TARA: The choices Alex makes over three seasons - 2 years - feel authentic. They reflect the reality of disabled style choices, which often balance access needs with current trends: 

Early on? Sweatpants and tee shirts for easy access instead of skinny jeans and button-down shirts. A good pair of tennis shoes for support and traction and, as Tonia mentioned above, to fit over what appears to be an AFO (ankle foot orthotic). A cardigan in lieu of a pullover sweater. And as the series comes to a close, we see Alex in what are likely slim-to-regular fit jeans and soft, comfortable layers of shirts.

***

SUBVERTING THE USUAL DISABLED STYLE TROPES:

TONIA:  We’ve seen a few representations of newly disabled characters on screen.  Most notably Quinn on Glee and Jesus from The Fosters.

What we see is that previously well-dressed kids like Quinn are suddenly wearing what I will term “Rehab Style.”  Ill-fitting tee shirts, baggy sweats.  Hair that was typically done up was down or unstyled.

While this is accurate for a period of time, especially coping with a new injury -- typically in media -- we don’t see these kids as ever finding themselves post-disability or expressing themselves through their style (because in both Quinn’s and Jesus’s case?  They overcame their disability, or it just kind of faded into the background.)

What we see Alex wearing and doing with his style is rare and important.

***

HAIRSTYLE SHIFT:

TARA: In Season 1, Alex’s hair is cut short, carefully styled, and bleached blond. After his brain injury, we see him go through many different looks.

***

WHY IT’S SIGNIFICANT:

TARA: On a personal level, I loved getting to see a seasons-long hairstyle journey with a brain injury survivor. What I’m used to seeing is hair shaved exploitatively and with fresh scars, often in a hospital bed. And while that is one part of the story, it isn’t the whole story.

Alex’s style portrayal differs firstly because we never see that post-op look. 

During Season 2, instead of seeing his scars immediately, we see that Alex has grown his hair to cover them in the four months or so that have elapsed. 

A haircut post-brain injury is a deeply vulnerable experience. I remember my first, months after my injury. Due to parasthesia, I felt tingling, prickling pins and needles on the left half of my head. On the right half of my head, I had a long and painful surgical scar surrounded by an awkwardly-shaved patch of hair. Trusting someone to touch my head and hair, to wash it and then use metal implements to cut and style it was frightening. And that doesn’t even take into account the sensory overload of lights, sinks, snipping scissors, people talking, and the white noise of hair dryers. 

At the end of Season 2, Alex does decide to get a haircut that shows one of his scars. But by the first episode of Season 3, we see that he has opted to wear knit caps in a beanie style until his hair grows out again. 

Scars are not inherently shameful, but they are personal. They invite invasive questions. Acclimation to them takes time, and even then, a decision to show a scar through a haircut or clothing choice is a deeply private one. 

As someone who has multiple surgical scars and the option to hide them, I choose to conceal mine. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I am ashamed. My scars are a part of my body, and I get to control who sees them. 

I love to see that explored on “13.” Alex doesn’t talk a lot about his style post-injury, save a brief exchange with Justin in 2x08, but we see that he thinks about it. (And that means that people in costuming and makeup and hair did too!)

Additionally, we see that as Alex recovers, the amount of time and effort spent maintaining his hair appears to coincide. In the beginning of Season 2, it appears that he brushes his hair and maybe uses a bit of product. 

At the end of Season 2, at the school dance with a new haircut, he looks to have spent more time on styling and used a lot of product as well. And by Season 4, Alex seems to have reached a happy medium - a simple combed style and some product.

TONIA:  This is really invaluable personal insight into why representation of hair (particularly) post-brain injury is so vital.  I’m glad you shared this.  

***

Did you want to talk anymore about Alex’s choice to get his hair cut for the dance at the end of season 2 and then wear beanies in season 3?

TARA: Yeah! Ultimately, these things show Alex’s agency as well as representing that it’s okay that he changed his mind. 

The haircut and the beanies were depicted on-screen without any sort of exposition, so I can only guess at Alex’s reasons based on his actions. 

The cut he chose is quite similar to what he wore during Season 1, though a bit longer on top. It’s probable that Alex chose the style because it was familiar to him. Familiarity can bring comfort. Prior knowledge in how to maintain the style can be helpful in figuring out possible adaptations in execution that may be needed.

This particular style also does show one of Alex’s scars. And there’s really no adequate way to know whether you’re ready to display a scar without actively displaying it, and then gauging how you feel about it. In Alex’s case, we see his scar courtesy of his new haircut for roughly three days. 

The beanies do seem to imply a lack of comfort with the scar. However, other issues may also be at play, such as the stamina required for creating and maintaining a more heavily-styled look. Donning a stretchy knit cap uses considerably less stamina and coordination and it more or less eliminates the cognitive load needed for styling. 

In other words, the beanies may be an energy-conserving, time-saving disability hack. And I have to say that I kind of love seeing that.

TONIA:  And energy-conservation is a huge balancing act when living with a disability, especially a new one.  

I know you’ve mentioned cognitive fatigue before, and even things like hairstyling can likely lead to this.  (For Alex, styling his hair alone is a multi-step process.  Now add a possible shower taken beforehand -- which we’ve learned is one of the most cognitively exhausting things in life -- so many steps.)

With this context (and yours, Tara,) it makes so much sense that Alex might choose to wear the beanie, and find other easy-to-don but stylish clothes that don’t have a ton of buttons or zippers.  

For multiple reasons -- because he is a multi-dimensional character.

Disabled style is a style all its own because it factors in the need to adapt, the need to conserve energy (because we cannot spend 8,000 years dressing and doing our hair.)  And I appreciate that “13” showed this!  And that there is minimal comment on it on-screen.

It’s just a fact of Alex’s life.

***

Return to the Table of Contents

***

Have you seen 13 Reasons Why on Netflix?  

Did reading our conversation about Alex's style help you realize anything or notice anything you hadn't registered before?  

We'd love to hear from you in the comments.

***

Don't forget to connect on Facebook / Twitter / Instagram

Connect with Tara on Twitter @TaraJean

13 Reasons Why: Alex's Relationship with Charlie

3,254 words

25 minute read

TW: GIF Warning

1) 4x05, 29:30 - 27:36 remaining  

TW: marijuana, discussion of parental death due to illness

2) 4x05, 10:35 - 8:47 remaining

TW: marijuana

3) 4x06, 9:58 - 8:48 remaining

TW: internalized ableism

4) 4x07, 18:12 - 16:29 remaining

TW: internalized ableism

5) 4x08, 7:39 - 7:10 remaining

TW: unconscious student, car fire, explosion

6) 4x09, 17:14 - 12:38 remaining

***

In the last half of season 4, we see Alex become friends with and eventually begin a relationship with football player, Charlie St. George.  There's a lot to unpack here.  So like some of the previous posts, we're going to make sure and cover several of the scenes Alex and Charlie share together, so we can really delve into what's happening on screen.

***

Scene 1:

Alex: [watches It’s A Wonderful Life alone at the Find Your Drink party. He hugs a pillow.]

Clay (Voice-Over): Sometimes, I wish I had more of the good kinds of secrets, like a secret friend. 

TARA: This is sort of cringey to connect to Alex. Do his friendships bring such shame that they must be secret?

TONIA: Or the continued reference to Alex being the secret friend that no one can own up to having?

Charlie: [enters, surprised to see Alex] Hey! You, uh, made it! What are you doing in here?

Alex: I’m hiding. [chuckles] I’m not really sure why I came.

Charlie: [closes the curtains he came through]  Yeah, I hear you. Uh, do you want a cookie? [Charlie pulls a baggie of homemade cookies from his pocket.]

Alex: You seriously brought cookies to a Find Your Drink party? 

Charlie: Well, these are special cookies. [He sits beside Alex on the loveseat, opening the Ziploc and offering it to Alex.]

Alex: Oh, shit. [He selects a cookie.] I didn’t know you were a stoner. [He takes a bite of the cookie.]

Charlie: I prefer the term “cannabisseur.” [He starts eating a cookie as well.]

Alex: ...These are actually really good cookies. 

Charlie: [nods]

Alex: And they don’t stink. You’re like a baker or something. 

Charlie: I, uh, had to learn how. My mom died when I was 13. So, uh, me and my dad, we had to figure it all out. 

Alex: Oh, shit. I’m sorry.

Charlie: [shakes his head] It’s all good. I, uh, actually learned how to make these to help my mom through chemo. 

Alex: [shakes his head] Oh man, Charlie. I’m so sorry. 

Charlie: Yeah, no, it’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine. But it’s fine that it’s not fine, if that makes sense.

Alex: Yeah, no, it totally does. I wish I could be fine with not being fine. 

Charlie: You will be...someday. 

TARA:  What I like about this particular scene is that Alex and Charlie already have an established friendship. They’re able to easily navigate a conversation about loss, grief and acceptance. Alex appears to take in Charlie’s reassurance, because it comes from a place of experience.

TONIA:  Yes, I love that aspect!

Alex: Wow, you and me do not know how to party.

Charlie: [snickers] Or do we, and everyone else has it wrong?

TONIA:  I think being able to have this moment with Charlie -- to not have it be made into a big thing -- Alex needing time by himself at a big social event.  Instead, Charlie suggests maybe he and Alex know how to party “and everyone else has it wrong.”

So often, disabled people are shamed for “being antisocial” by nondisabled people who don’t have the context of overstimulation, depression, anxiety, worry about being knocked over in a crowd, or any of a million other things at play when you’re disabled at a party.

Charlie joining Alex where he is and - agreeing that he doesn’t know why he came either - breaks through Alex’s isolation in this moment - and that is so vital.  Because sometimes, we just need you to join us where we are, instead of needing to break ourselves in half trying to be in nondisabled spaces.

TARA: Yes, there’s no striving or expectation of striving!

TONIA: It’s so important to see that represented in this scene.

***

Scene 2:

[Alex and Charlie watch It’s A Wonderful Life. They are stoned.]

Alex: ...Do you think it really is a wonderful life?

Charlie: Sometimes. Yeah.

TONIA:  I think this honesty is something Alex has been waiting a long time for.  

There’s a lot of toxic positivity around disability -- and almost an encouragement to deny that any change has taken place in your loved one after a brain injury.  To acknowledge change, for some, can feel -- because of ableism (internalized or otherwise) -- like we are saying we love them less.

When, in fact, it’s denying their lived reality that does some massive harm and increases their isolation.

We saw on Alex's birthday just how misunderstood Alex feels, in part, because of his brother’s denial of how his brain injury has changed him.

So, the fact that Charlie is honest with Alex here and says, “Sometimes,” it is a wonderful life -- after sharing about his own loss?  

That is powerful, as you said earlier, Tara.

TARA: Experiencing gaslighting as a disabled person is exceedingly common! And after a brain injury, it seems to be almost a given. Either we’re being gaslit, or we’re gaslighting ourselves - denying our own reality. 

In either situation, authenticity is rare. As a result, we can crave it. And these little moments of truth are everything. 

***

Scene 3:

[After a terrifying active shooter drill, Alex and Charlie slide out from underneath some computer desks in the library.]

Alex: Yeah, that [auditory hallucinations] happened to me before, last year early on, but...it hadn’t happened in awhile. [He puts on his backpack.]

Charlie: [nods, shrugs] That was the stress [of the drill]. 

Alex: Yeah, how did you know, like, what it was?

Charlie: [smiles in a “You caught me” way] Uh, I, um… I Googled TBIs a while back. Just to, you know, uh, know what they entailed. Like, what you were going through. 

[Alex and Charlie in the scene described above.]

TONIA:  I think this is such an important moment for Alex and Charlie.  For Alex to know that Charlie knew what to do because he took the time to look into it and learn on his own.

TARA: To do this shows a level of interest and a level of care. Often, there’s an expectation of emotional labor and teaching on a disabled person’s part in an interabled relationship. Charlie taking initiative means a lot.

Alex: Oh yeah, um… Yeah, you know, I’m a freak, so…

TONIA:  And I’m glad we see Alex’s reaction here, too.  I feel like this is a really accurate reaction -- especially for a high school kid to have.  I feel like, if it were me, I’d either react like Alex, or I’d be overly grateful that Charlie Googled something…

TARA: The injury is still new for Alex. We develop all sorts of defense and coping mechanisms when it comes to discussing our disabilities in public. Alex often seems to resort to leaning into self-deprecation through internalized ableism, and this makes sense 1) at this point in his disability journey and 2) because making light of the situation can feel safer when you’re not 100% certain how your conversation partner will react. 

Charlie: No. No, no, no. [He steps closer to Alex and kisses him softly.] 

Alex: That...was surprising.

Charlie: Surprising good or surprising bad? [chuckles] 

Alex: [kisses him back, as Tony walks in]

Tony: Well, you two recovered.

[Alex and Charlie stop kissing abruptly, turning quickly toward Tony.]

Alex: Kind of.

Tony: [chuckles, shaking his head]

Charlie: What?

Tony: Well, I should have seen that coming.

TARA: And yeah, Alex said it. This type of earnest acceptance is surprising, because of ableism. I love that we continue to see this type of care and attraction for Alex as a person, because it is so rare in disability representation. 

***

Scene 4:

[Charlie approaches Alex at the waterfront.]

Alex: How did you find me?

TARA:  Alex was content to chalk the kiss up to the heat of the moment, but in the next episode, Charlie is shown to want a relationship with Alex. We have the unwanted pursuit being explored here, and because Charlie presents as non-threatening and white, he is not seen as a menace. 

TONIA:  He’s also portrayed as “a kid” because he’s younger than most of the friend group.  Add this to his “d*mb jock” stereotype and just kind of how happy-go-lucky he is…

TARA:  So, Charlie’s actions (which include a nonconsensual kiss / grab from behind earlier in the episode) are more easily forgiven than Zach’s - who has been shown also doing a lot of nonconsensual grabbing.

TONIA: Portrayal makes a huge difference!  These things are usually highest on my radar, but because “Oh, it’s Charlie,” I didn’t even notice that he’s clearly not respecting Alex’s boundaries here.  And I’ve watched it several times!

Charlie: Your mom. Don’t worry, I told her it was about homework. Not the fact that you like boys, at least sometimes, and you’re also breaking my heart. 

TARA: I’ve heard it said that “The only difference between romantic pursuit and stalking is how the other person feels about what’s happening.” 

Alex does not want to be pursued at this point, so this part feels less romantic and more intimidating or like a power imbalance to me.

TONIA: Yes.  

Not romantic, but to highlight disabled / nondisabled interaction and what can feel like a power imbalance to disabled people (and us as disabled women.)  I recall a time when a local politician (a nondisabled white man -- at least not apparently disabled) was going door to door.  

As this was pre-pandemic (and pre-boundaries) we opened the door to him.  At the time, we lived in a small, one bedroom apartment.  

This man surprised us by not staying in the hall.  Instead, he walked in to give his pitch, standing in front of our closed door.

It freaked us out.

But it did not appear to register to him that what he was doing might be threatening.

Alex: I’m not breaking your heart.

Charlie: You definitely are.

Alex: Why? Why would you like someone like me? 

Charlie: [shaking his head] See, there you go, doing that “self-depreciating” thing.

Alex: It’s “deprecating.” 

Charlie: You do...that self-deprecating thing where you think it’s about you. But what you’re saying is I’m dumb for liking you. You’re, like, questioning my taste. And the thing is, I have excellent taste. 

TARA: And here we see Alex’s internalized ableism meeting Charlie’s desire and attraction. These are definitely issues that deserve space and exploration, and I’m glad they’re being shown. Alex feels largely undeserving of love and goodness, and this begs the question, “Is the implication here that Alex needs to be pursued in order to be assured that he is wanted?” 

TONIA:  If so, I think that may be a really cautious line for “13” to explore.

TARA: Often, with a disability, we do need more reassurance -- I know I do! I was curious to see this explored. 

And the bigger questions remain: Is this safe representation? Charlie does cross a boundary, in my opinion, in finding out Alex’s location against his wishes. But he also listens later on when Alex asks him not to follow him.

TONIA:  This is true.  We do often need more reassurance.  And it is an interesting aspect to explore.  

I think the question of whether the representation is safe is down to the individual viewer.  Because, for some, a guy who checks with your mom to find out where you are might be creepy, but it might be sweet, like you said in the quote from above.  It’s all down to how being pursued (and who is doing the pursuing) makes you feel.

TARA: Ultimately, it also depends on how Alex himself feels about Charlie’s actions.

TONIA: Something else I notice:  We see a flash of Charlie’s insecurity here, perhaps, taking Alex’s words as an insult  Instead of asking Alex a question back like “How did you mean that?” or “Why did you say that?” Charlie jumps to Alex “questioning his taste.”

This is a really major issue that can come into play between someone with aphasia or cognitive fatigue and someone without.  It’s something I (who previously was super insecure about asking questions) had to learn to do because it was an accommodation that was needed for our communication.  

So, while I wish Charlie had asked a question back, I do think this is really realistic.  It’s something that has taken me a long time to be able to reliably put into practice (which is a shame, because, in my experience, it’s easy to accommodate those you love.)

TARA: This is an interesting point! Also, Charlie doesn’t answer Alex’s question about why he likes him.

TONIA: Yes, it becomes about Charlie being insulted, and Alex’s question doesn’t get answered.  

Alex: [shakes his head] You’re very confident.

Charlie: [nods] I am very confident. You know, most people find that attractive.

Alex: I’m suspicious of confident people.

Charlie: Okay. 

Alex: Okay. 

Charlie: Well, I’m confident enough to be okay with that. 

Alex: Well, I’m not confident, okay? I never have been. 

TARA: I love seeing nondisabled confidence versus disabled insecurity being touched on here. Alex claims this has always been the case, but this exchange does highlight a very general cultural difference. It’s difficult, though not impossible, for a disabled person to feel and project confidence due to constant ableism. 

TONIA: A new friend once said, “I love your writing!  Trust me, I’m confident in this!” or something of that nature, and I very nearly scripted Alex here in my own response, telling her:

“I’m suspicious of confident people.”

But I was not sure it would make sense / translate.  Especially if the friend had not seen the show.

Back to your point, Tara:  I think Alex’s suspicion or insecurity around nondisabled confidence is so important to portray!  As I shared in an earlier example, nondisabled confidence often leads to situations that disabled folks can perceive as threatening.  Nondisabled confidence can lead to them making decisions for us and steam-rolling us in the process.

Or doing what Charlie is doing and pursuing Alex when he clearly does not want to be found.

Alex: And I have a brain injury, and I’ve done these terrible things that I’m never going to get away from. I’m not a good person. And you have this, like, king-of-the-world jock thing, so I’m never going to win an argument about why we shouldn’t be together. You’re gonna just have to take my word for it. [sighs] I’m going to walk away now. Please don’t follow me. [He walks away]

Charlie: [stands alone]

TARA: Alex’s feeling of powerlessness stands out to me here. He states that he cannot compete with Charlie verbally to talk him out of the pursuit, alluding to high stress / high cognitive load and / or aphasia. He’s also at Charlie’s mercy while walking away, having to ask not to be followed. 

It’s a specific experience, knowing your vulnerability in everyday encounters like this. Charlie is able-bodied and could easily continue to pursue or even harass Alex in this moment.   

TONIA: To me, it stands out that Charlie listens.

More often, the nondisabled person in this dynamic would (I think) follow because of the common belief that Nondisabled People Know Best.  There is often the perception that they even know disabled people best and what is good for us.  This often supersedes our self-determination and autonomy.

***

Scene 5:

In 4x08, we see Alex search for Charlie amidst the chaotic student protest against school resource officers. He finds him unconscious on the ground, and then notices a car on fire nearby. Alex yells, “Fire!” and directs students to move away, attempting to pull Charlie to safety as the car explodes.

How do we feel about this scene? 

TONIA:  I think it would be easy to point to this and be like, “But we’ve already seen Alex save Justin.”  But nondisbled people intervene and rescue others all the time.  

I think this kind of thing is so groundbreaking, it can’t be shown enough.

That disabled people can save others -- and that there are multiple ways to save others -- and we’ve seen Alex do all kinds of things to save his friends -- and even people who aren’t his friends.

TARA: Agreed. While Alex’s worth does not lie in his ability or productivity, representation like this shows what is possible. The common media trope of a disabled person seeming passive and / or helpless has existed on “13.” However, we also see protection and action, and it is so powerful seeing a disabled character as a three-dimensional person. 

***

Scene 6:

In 4x09, we see Alex and Charlie crowned prom royalty. It’s not a pity vote, but instead, a nod to Charlie as the school’s popular quarterback. During their slow dance:

Charlie: Are you sad? Right now?

Alex: Some part of me will always be sad. And another part of me is happier than I’ve ever been before.

How does this representation land? And how do we feel about their exchange about sadness?

TARA: It’s refreshing to see a disabled person in an authentic relationship at prom. And quite honestly, it was downright surprising to see him crowned royalty legitimately, not as a pity thing.

Tonia, what did you think? I know disabled people and proms have a complicated history as of late…

TONIA: It was so refreshing to see Alex crowned legitimately.  At a time when there are segregated proms and when, each spring, we can guarantee to see a ‘feel-good’ / ableist story about some nondisabled kid who asks a disabled kid to prom.  Part of me still watches them get crowned and holds my breath for the ‘inspirational music’ and the news crew in the wings to document how “nice” Charlie is, and the school is, for ‘letting’ Alex win.

This is not what happens in “13” but it’s what we’ve been conditioned to expect because of years of harmful representation.  I’m so glad this show tells a respectful story of disabled prom royalty instead.

TARA:  And Charlie’s question about sadness always catches me off-guard. It shows me how close the two are, and how in tune he is to Alex’s emotions. And Alex’s response really resonated with me as someone with chronic depression. I loved this whole plot point so much.

TONIA: Yes!  It’s so unexpected but shows Charlie is so in tune with Alex.  Checking in on Alex during a big moment like this shows so much respect and Alex’s response is so real for those of us who have chronic depression.  (Something I’ve also had since childhood.)

This representation is beyond important.  It shows that those of us who are disabled and who perhaps, also, have a coexisting mental health condition, don't have to deny sadness and depression just because of a happy life moment -- sometimes, those can be the most difficult.

I’m so glad we took time to discuss Alex and Charlie in such depth.  There’s a lot to their dynamic.

***

Have you seen 13 Reasons Why on Netflix?  

Did reading our conversation about Alex's relationship with Charlie help you realize anything or notice anything you hadn't registered before?  

We'd love to hear from you in the comments.

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