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1. WHEN AND WHY DID YOU START YOUR BLOG?
I started my blog on this day six years ago...because I saw a former coworker sharing an article by a nondisabled parent addressing how to talk to nondisabled kids about disabled ones. The fact that this article was being recommended made me feel like an important POV was missing. And when CoWorker came back with more questions, I was like, "I wish there was a place for people to go and get this information from actually disabled people. Oh wait...I'll make one."
I posted my response to her publicly as my first post on Tonia Says...and went live / shared the site the next day (July 29th, 2014).
But my blog has definitely evolved. When I first began it, I specifically did so for nondisabled people. Family members and parents, to educate them, in an effort to make life safer for their disabled loved ones. (Also, if I am honest, I felt like if I wrote what I wanted to write, no one would read it. And I wanted my blog to be read.)
When 2020 dawned, I made a conscious shift toward making my blog an actual space for disabled people. A safe space where disability is discussed openly and the hard things are not shied away from or sugar coated.
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2. DID YOU INTEND TO TALK ABOUT YOUR DISABILITY ONLINE FROM THE BEGINNING?
Yes, definitely. That was always the plan.
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3. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SKEPTICAL ABOUT TALKING ABOUT YOUR DISABILITY ONLINE?
Not about my disability but about some of my more personal experiences with ableism. I've kept a lot private for a variety of reasons.
In 2017, I started to be incrementally more honest, as I became safer. And at the start of 2020, I decided to start talking about some of the realities I've faced.
However, I don't see the point in keeping my disability private...probably especially because it's visible, and I've never been able to keep it under wraps.
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| [Image: Tonia in a blue bridesmaid dress holding a bouquet of flowers above her head smiling. She's in her purple wheelchair. Photo credit: Tara] |
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4. WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE HAVE YOU/DO YOU RECEIVE IN TERMS OF YOUR DISABILITY RELATED BLOG POSTS?
It's really hard to know which posts will resonate. The ones that I really love and am proud of tend not to do as well as the "educationy" ones or the media reviews, which...aren't my favorite types of things to write.
For reference, here are a few of my personal favorites:
3. We Belong: a middle grade novel - Nine year old twins, Jesse and Lexie Martin, have just moved to a new neighborhood, and away from their cousins and grandparents. Soon, it's clear, the move is the least of their worries.
2. Why 'Just Forget and Move On' Is Dangerous Advice When Discussing Trauma and Disability - While this advice is possibly helpful for nondisabled people in certain circumstances, it ignores the fact that experiencing ableism is experiencing abuse.
1. When I Wanted a Magic Nursery Holiday Baby To Magically Take Away My Surgery - In two days, I was scheduled to have the majorest of major surgeries for my Cerebral Palsy...and I'd been secretly hoping...with the last of my childhood innocence...that if I got a Magic Nursery Holiday Baby - if love really was magic and all my wishes would come true - then maybe I wouldn't have to have surgery after all.
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5. DO YOU WRITE/TALK ABOUT OTHER TOPICS APART FROM YOUR DISABILITY?
A bit? I share what I've been reading and I have a miniseries coming in November about writing. But generally I do stick to disability.
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6. WHAT STEPS DO YOU TAKE TO MAKE YOUR BLOG ACCESSIBLE TO YOURSELF AS WELL AS OTHER PEOPLE?
If I include a video, I transcribe it. I also include image descriptions.
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7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE THING ABOUT BLOGGING ABOUT YOUR DISABILITY?
Definitely the connections I have made to the disability and CP community.
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8. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP THREE FAVOURITE DISABILITY RELATED BLOG POSTS THAT YOU’VE EVER PUBLISHED?
I mean...to quote Cory Matthews "There are 700 on this list..." (Really, more like 400) so I'm going to share the Top 10 Most-Read:
10. Parenting Kids with Disabilities: Autonomy and Consent - We often hear about the importance of teaching kids they have autonomy over their bodies, and the importance of their consent, but disabled children are often left out of these conversations.
9. Review: Jack of the Red Hearts - Basically, I was super disturbed having watched this movie, and seen that the only reviews that existed were by neurotypical parents of autistic people who claimed the movie was "great representation."
8. Review: Me Before You by Jojo Moyes - When this book was all the rage, and all I could see was ableism...on every page.
7. Let's Talk About Place Blindness and CP - I'll never forget the day I found the post on Tumblr that simply read: "Anyone else with CP get lost a lot?"
6. Dear Parents Whose Baby Has Just Been Diagnosed With CP - Before my whole parenting series happened, there was this single post. Pretty self-explanatory.
5. Let's Talk About The Effects of Consistent Patronization - Spoiler alert: The biggest one for me was a major case of Impostor Syndrome, where I doubted that any of my accomplishments were legitimate.
4. What You Need to Know About Blogging About Your Disabled Kids - Where I use cute acronyms to remind nondisabled parents that disabled kids deserve respect and privacy.
3. Let's Talk About The Gap Between Disabled Adults and Parents of Kids with Disabilities - Nondisabled parents, that is. The gap is still here. Some days, I feel it's wider than ever...
2. An Open Letter to Whitney Ellenby - Because dear God, her article was hideous, and the fact that she has a book out? Horrifying. You wouldn't think it necessary to spell out "Stop normalizing and justifying your abuse of your autistic child," and yet...
1. Parenting Kids with Disabilities: What You Can't See (Invisible Aspects of CP) - CP is brain damage. CP symptoms aren't willful disobedience. Apparently 28,000 people's minds were blown.
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9. DO YOU THINK THAT THE DISABLED BLOGGER/YOUTUBER COMMUNITY IS OVERLOOKED?
I do. It's still largely nondisabled parents of disabled kids who are looked to as the experts. It's their posts that are widely read and viewed. And even though we (the disabled community) are constantly sharing our experiences, they are not seen nearly as frequently as nondisabled parents' posts are.
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10. DO YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO THINK OF NEW DISABILITY RELATED CONTENT TO PUBLISH?
Not really. I don't find there to be a shortage.
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11. DO YOU THINK THAT BLOGGING ABOUT YOUR DISABILITY HELPS TO CHANGE PEOPLE’S PERCEPTIONS?
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That's always the hope.
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12. WHO DO YOU TAG?
Anyone who wants to.
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