1,062 words
8 minute read
TELLING MOM
(Jesse)
TW: Ableism
Even though I can't nod, Mom can read my face.
She sends Connor, Shane and Sophia outside with their cookies and talks in the living room, just her and me.
"What's going on, Jess?" she asks. "You seem really upset."
I nod, feeling miserable.
"She's..." I start. I still can't even say Sophia's name.
"Sophia?" Mom guesses. "This is about Sophia. Okay. What about her, honey?"
It helps so much that Mom doesn't make a big deal out of me not being able to say Sophia's name. Now, I can just go on with the story. If I can get my words out around all the tears.
(Mom looked up some stuff online about kids like me, and now she doesn't make a big deal if I can't talk. We even went to a kind of doctor before we moved all about this, but I mostly didn't listen.)
She asks if I want to sit on her lap and I do, but I've been afraid to bump my new scars.
"I do...but I don't want it to hurt..." I share softly.
"I don't want it to hurt either," Mom tells me seriously. "So, we can take our time, and make sure you're comfortable."
Mom takes me carefully onto her lap and lets me lean on her. All my feelings just come pouring out. She just holds onto me and lets me cry.
Mom takes me carefully onto her lap and lets me lean on her. All my feelings just come pouring out. She just holds onto me and lets me cry.
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| [Image: A mother holds and comforts her son] |
When I'm done, she just waits.
"Sophia made this club, I guess?" I say quietly. "She made Shane and Connor be in it, but she won't let Lexie be in it, because she's always going to need help walking. She said I could maybe be in it if I talked normal and once I'm done needing the wheelchair."
"Sweetie... You do talk normal. Okay? You do. What you have is...it's called Situational Mutism. It just means that in some situations - around some people - you feel very nervous and can't get words out. But around other people you're fine."
"I never knew..." I admit.
"I know. We could tell it was hard for you to listen at the doctor. Dad and I should've told you. We're sorry," Mom apologizes.
"Can you tell my teacher when school starts? So, I don't get low participation grades?" I ask.
"Yes, absolutely," Mom promises. "Dad and I...we just... We want you to know...that there is nothing wrong with you."
"Can I keep going?" I ask. It makes me feel weird hearing Mom say there's nothing wrong with me, but I can't explain why.
"Sure," she says.
"So, anyways, um... She's been teasing me? Like at church and stuff, and whenever we see each other? Saying whenever she does something mean that if I want her to stop, I should say something, but I can't..."
Mom frowns. "That's not kind. I'm so sorry, honey."
"And then today...she found my candy that Grandma gave us? She said we could trade. Anything I wanted if I gave her the candy. I wanted to be in the club."
"And did she let you in?" Mom asks.
"Yeah, only she wouldn't let me eat any of the candy and they all could. And then she kept putting it in front of my face and taking it back. And she said she was going to go down to the basement and I hide it there because I can't go there..." I say sadly.
Out of everything, it hurts most that Sophia put my candy where I can’t go on purpose. I’m still practicing climbing stairs, and I definitely can’t carry something extra back up with me.
Mom squeezes me gently.
"I've been lying to Lexie. Well, not exactly lying, but I haven't told her about the club. It feels bad, you know? To leave her out? But Lexie has so many friends...and everybody likes her. Connor and Shane are, like, my only friends. If I don't do what they do, then they'll forget all about me, probably," I say sadly.
"Honey, this is so much for you to be dealing with," Mom comments. "I know fitting in is important. It's a big deal."
I nod.
"And it makes sense that you want to keep Connor and Shane's friendship, so you felt pressure to be in Sophia's club. But, sweetie, a club that leaves people out? Especially because of things those people can't help or change? That's not a club I want you or Lexie in."
"Can I say my mom won't let me be in it?" I whisper.
"Yes," Mom nods. "Are you okay if I ask Sophia to come in now, and get your candy from the basement?"
"Yes," I say, easing off her lap and onto the couch. "Are you mad at Grandma about the candy?"
"No, but I want it kept in the kitchen, so Dad and I can make sure you and Lexie are only eating one piece a day. It's just like Halloween candy, Jess. You can have it all, just not all at once."
"I know," I sigh.
"I love you. Very much. And I want you to know you can always talk to me, okay? Or write me a note. Whatever's easiest."
"Text you?" I ask, smiling a little and wiping my eyes. "You know, I could text you if I had my own phone..."
"Middle school, Jesse," Mom smiles back. "That's the deal. Now, I'm going to talk to Sophia."
Mom is not happy with Sophia. She calls uncle Craig on the phone and gives the phone to Sophia to have her tell him all the mean things she has been doing.
She can barely talk because she starts crying right away. She says everybody’s being mean to her just because she made a club.
That’s not the whole truth.
Mom tells him the whole truth and he leaves right then to come and pick Sophia up. Before they leave, he makes her apologize to my face and give me my candy back.
When she leaves, it’s just me, Shane and Connor left.
Just like it used to be.
I am so relieved.
Question for Discussion:
Jesse talked to his mom when he was upset. Who do you talk to when you're upset?
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