Forging Disability Pride in a World of Ableism

779 words

6 minute read

I've struggled this month about what exactly to post regarding Disability Pride Month.  This is, honestly, the first I've heard of it, despite its existence since I was nine years old.

So, I found some questions to help me sift through and make sense of my thoughts.

***

Do you feel a sense of disability pride?

I do, but it's a very new feeling!  I've spent more time than I want to admit Googling 'disability pride' to figure out exactly what it is.

Taking pride in my being disabled feels like a radical act - especially as we exist in a world where we are constantly reminded that being disabled is a thing nobody should aspire to be.

Most of my life, I have faced dangerous levels of ableism wherever I went and it's hard to keep a sense of pride when people are constantly telling me that I'm inferior.

In the simplest of terms, I do feel pride in my identity as a disabled woman.  I think that being disabled brings with it a lot of things:

We have an amazing community.

We can adapt on the fly and handle life changes smoothly.

We are great at pre-planning.

We often have off-the-charts coping skills.

Saying I have disability pride feels a bit redundant, since I've always been disabled.  I don't know myself without CP.  Without being neurodivergent.  Without a high level of trauma.  Without anxiety.  Without depression.

Do I love myself?  I do.

Have I always?

Not at all.

This road's been rocky, friends.

***

How did you learn about your disability? At what age?

My family was great at talking about something without talking about it.  So while I was always aware of my Cerebral Palsy, we didn't discuss it.

I was always aware that I was born prematurely, and a lot of my pretend play with my Cabbage Patch doll was that she was a "preemie" who spent a lot of time in the hospital, because I did.

I knew I needed surgery, to "help me walk better."

I was never unaware of the word for my disability.  But the first time I remember it being spelled out by a parent, I was in fourth grade, and they were sharing with my class of nondisabled peers about CP.

Back then, it felt awkward and uncomfortable.

By the time I was a senior in high school, I was writing about disability in my high school paper, but having only inspirational or tragic representations to draw from, my take was not the best.

It was finding Tumblr around age 33, and stumbling on a post that talked about identity first language that changed everything.  Shortly after, I started blogging here.

***

What other identities are you proud of? Do they intersect?

I'm proud of my identity as a woman.  I'm proud of my identity as asexual (though I am not asexual solely because I am disabled.)

I'm proud of my identity as a twin.  As a sister.  As a friend.

As a survivor. 

As a writer.

These identities definitely intersect.

They all exist within me.

***

What does disability pride mean to you?

I'm going to get really real here and tell you that disability pride for me means survival.  That, for me, the flip side of disability pride is to live in a constant state of degradation, where I am reminded, no matter what, that I don't fit into this world as I am.  That I must change in order to be loved.

I've lived with anxiety, depression and C-PTSD my whole life.  All three, I believe, due to the ableism I have been surrounded by.  I started self harming at age 10, after massive surgery.  It reached a critical point in my early 20's as I dealt with it (and suicidal thoughts).

Only now, living in accessible housing, and having cut toxic people out of my life, has my pride been able to slowly grow.

We cannot develop pride in an environment that seeks to change the very nature of who we are.

But there is hope.  Trust me.  If you're trapped in an unlivable situation, take it second by second, and hold onto the truth that you are loved.  That you are a part of a tremendous community of people who love all of who you are.

We are more than what they say we are.

***

Are there any images/quotes that represent pride or disability pride to you?

My poem, Love, CP, which I wrote back in 2016.  And this picture:

[Image: A silver necklace, inscribed with the words NOTHING ABOUT US WITHOUT US]

***

Don't forget to connect on Facebook / Twitter / Instagram