We Belong: Chapter 30

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6 minute read

MISSING

(Lexie)

When Dad, Seth and I get home from the movies, Jesse calls my name right away.  He doesn’t sound mad.  That’s good.  I sniff the air and notice that the house smells like burnt cookies.  Mom must’ve been baking.  

“What?” I ask, curious.  Jesse hasn’t said my name in forever.  He hasn’t wanted to see my face or even talk to me.  I don’t even know what I did wrong.  Maybe that’s over now.

“Sophia was here with Shane and Connor and she got in big trouble,” he confides.  

“What did she do?” I ask, remembering last year when she put fish food into the soup on the stove.  That was funny.

Jesse tells me everything.  He tells me about the secret club and about how Sophia was mean to him and wouldn’t let him join, except if she stole his candy.  

I tell Jesse I don’t care about what Sophia said about me.  But it’s not the real truth.  Being left out hurts a lot.  I just don’t tell Jesse that because we just started talking again and I don’t want to wreck that.  I swallow a lot and listen quietly.  

Once, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom.  I don’t really have to go, I just have to cry, and I don’t want to do that in front of Jesse.  He’s being really strong about the club and not getting to join in, but I have been left out of so many things that this hurts extra.

When I get back, I pretend I’m fine.  I make myself forget all about Sophia leaving me out and calling me names, even though Jesse is still talking about it.  I think about my time with Dad and Seth instead.

I can’t believe everything that happened since Seth and I were at the movies.  It was Seth’s first time in the movie theater but he did a good job.  He watched part of the movie standing up, but that’s okay because he’s short.

“...And uncle Craig picked her up right then,” Jesse finishes.

“Wow…” I say, impressed, but I get a sinking feeling inside.  Thinking about uncle Craig makes me remember Mom’s conversation with him.  

“Do you think Mom’s disappointed in us?” I ask, not looking at Jesse.

“Why? Did you do something?” he asks, eyeing me carefully.  

“No!”  

(He should know this.  I always follow the rules.  When I don’t, I think about it for the longest time after.  I still feel bad about the time I didn’t line up after recess when the whistle blew and I had to stand next to the wall with the bad kids.)

“Because I just talked to her and she didn't act disappointed.  Why would Mom be disappointed in us?”

I shrug. 

I know Jesse is super close to Mom, so I don't want to hurt his feelings about her.

I don’t want to have secrets from Jesse anymore, but I can’t make myself say what I’m afraid is true.  That Mom is disappointed that we aren’t doing well after surgery.  That she thinks it’s hard.

(It is hard, but I don’t want it to be hard for her.)

If I tell Jesse what I think, he’ll tell Mom.  They tell each other all the important things.  Like Dad and me.  So I wait.  It’s not really a secret, I tell myself.  I’m going to tell Jesse eventually, just not right now.

Instead, I change the subject.  “Hey, did you know Emma, the Sunday school teacher, has CP like us?”  

Jesse’s eyes light up.  “No way,” he smiles.  “Did she tell you?”

“No.  But she has crutches like me, and she moves just like me," I point out.

“How can you be sure?  You can’t ask.  That’s rude," Jesse warns.

“Why not?  People ask us rude stuff all the time.  Besides asking her if she has CP isn’t the same as me asking her what’s wrong with her," I reason.

“I guess," Jesse admits.

I go over to Jesse’s top drawer, where I moved my candy so Seth won’t find it in my room, since he’s still sleeping in there.  (Jesse said Mom wants us to keep our candy in the kitchen but we haven't moved it there yet.  I'm hoping we won't have to move it there ever.)  I put my hand on the left side and feel, since I’m not tall enough in the wheelchair to see inside.

There’s nothing plastic.  I feel all the way to the right, and find Jesse’s candy.  There’s less of it, but I know it’s his.  He has more Smarties and Skittles.

I have more chocolate.

Well, I had more chocolate.

“Jesse,” I turn blaming eyes on him.  “How could you?”

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Questions for Discussion:

Lexie cries about being left out.  Have you ever felt like Lexie?

What do you think happened to Lexie's candy?

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