We Belong: Chapter 35

481 words

4 minute read

LEFT OUT

(Jesse)

It’s not until that night, when we’re supposed to be asleep that I figure it out.  

Before Lexie can fake sleep, I toss Carrot-Breath at her.  I make him say “Bombs away!” and he lands right by her face.  She smiles and then looks like she might cry.

“That’s not fair.  You tricked me.”

“I’m sorry,” I say.  Because I really, really am.  For whatever I did that is making Lexie so sad.

“You don’t even know what you did,” she grumbles, not looking at me.  It’s still light out and I can see her ignoring me and facing the wall.

“I know I did something,” I try.  “But our twin mind reading only works sometimes.  It doesn’t work every single time.”  (That’s a joke, mostly.  We don’t have mind reading powers, but sometimes we do think about the same thing at the same time and say it together.)

“You shouldn’t have to read my mind.  You should just know.  You should just know that being in a club that keeps me out and makes fun of me is mean and rude!”

“Kids…  Keep it down in there,” Dad warns.  He’s not mad, but he doesn’t like repeating himself.

“I didn’t know you cared,” I say quietly.

“Of course I do!  I get left out all the time, Jesse.  But I never thought I’d have to worry about you leaving me out.”

“Jesse and Lexie,” Dad says in a sing-song voice he uses when he is trying to be serious and failing.  “Don’t make me come in there or I’m singing you a lullaby…”

[Image: A treble clef and birds with music notes on telephone wires]

Did I mention Dad has the worst voice ever in the whole world?  His lullabies used to make Seth cry.  I don’t even laugh, though, because Lexie is upset and that really is serious.

“Connor and Shane left both of us out,” I argue.  “Why aren’t you mad at them?”

“Because,” Lexie hisses.  Her voice sounds like she might start crying.  “Connor and Shane didn’t know we’d be left out when they joined!  You knew Sophia was going to leave me out and you joined anyway.”

“...I wanted to fit in,” I admit softly.  

“Well, so do I…  I want to fit in more than anything in the whole world.  So it’s really not fair that you would do the same thing everybody else does.  Like you’re embarrassed by me…”

“I’m not!” I argue.  

I can hear Lexie sniffling, and her voice breaks.  “You’re just as bad as Sophia…”

“Lex…” I try again.  “I’m not embarrassed…”

“Then prove it,” she says, and doesn’t talk to me the rest of the night.

Return to the Table of Contents

Question for Discussion:

Do you think Jesse's embarrassed of Lexie?  Why or why not?

***

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Books Read in 2020: 66-70

707 words

5 minute read

66.

Genre:  Middle Grade Fiction

Disability Representation:  Yes (implied learning disability)

Rating: 2/4 (Liked it!)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Haley Braddock has never given the BSC much of a hassle before. But now she's out of control! After Claudia catches Haley in a lie--and Haley gets grounded for it--this formerly quiet BSC charge turns against Claudia in a big way. She tells everyone that Claudia and the other BSC members cannot be trusted. . .and makes up lies to prove it. What can Claudia do? It's Haley's word against Claudia's. . .and the BSC can't be sure who the kids are going to believe. 

What I Thought: Hard to believe, but this was a first-time read for me.  Some aspects of the book were surprises.  I wasn't super into Claudia's boyfriend issues, but I did appreciate what the BSC did to help Haley - who had a super major problem with lying - to the extent that Haley refuses to accurately interpret for Matt, which was super out of line.  Still a good read (birthday gift card money, well-spent.)

***

67.

Genre:  Fantasy

Disability Representation:  Yes (implied trauma)

Rating: 3/4 (Really liked it!)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Harry Potter's third year at Hogwarts is full of new dangers. A convicted murderer, Sirius Black, has broken out of Azkaban prison, and it seems he's after Harry. Now Hogwarts is being patrolled by the dementors, the Azkaban guards who are hunting Sirius. But Harry can't imagine that Sirius or, for that matter, the evil Lord Voldemort could be more frightening than the dementors themselves, who have the terrible power to fill anyone they come across with aching loneliness and despair...

What I Thought: I enjoyed this book so much more the second time around!  There were a lot of magical elements that I simply did not understand the first time I read it, but this time, it all made sense.  Yay!  I really enjoyed Professor Lupin, and the Dementor aspect (horrifying but such an apt allegory for trauma and / or depression -- and who wouldn't enjoy an aspect where the only remedy was to eat giant bars of chocolate?  Delightful.)

***

68.

Genre:  Children's Fiction

Disability Representation:  No.

Rating: 1/4 (It was okay)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Meet the World’s Funniest Kindergartner—Junie B. Jones! There’s a new boy in kindergarten, and guess what? He’s the handsomest guy Junie B. has ever seen. She and Lucille and that Grace all want him for a boyfriend. Only, he thinks Junie B. is a nutball. Just ’cause she couldn’t stop laughing and rolling. So how is she supposed to get that boy to love her?

What I Thought: Never been a fan of romance plots, even in a book about tiny children.  I did like the end, where Junie B. was a friend to Warren (who did end up being a more dimensional character and not just a plot device.)

***

69.

Genre:  Anthology

Disability Representation:  SO MUCH!

Rating: 4/4 (LOVED IT!)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary: A groundbreaking collection of first-person writing on the joys and challenges of the modern disability experience: Disability Visibility brings together the voices of activists, authors, lawyers, politicians, artists, and everyday people whose daily lives are, in the words of playwright Neil Marcus, “an art…an ingenious way to live.” A Vintage Books Original.

What I Thought: A must-read.  Check out my Twitter thread for a more comprehensive review.

***

70.

Genre:  Young Adult

Disability Representation:  Unspecified mental health condition(s)

Rating: 4/4 (LOVED IT!)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary: "Dear Evan Hansen,

Today's going to be an amazing day and here's why..."

When a letter that was never meant to be seen by anyone draws high school senior Evan Hansen into a family's grief over the loss of their son, he is given the chance of a lifetime: to belong. He just has to stick to a lie he never meant to tell, that the notoriously troubled Connor Murphy was his secret best friend...

What I Thought: I read this in the pre-pandemic times (just before quarantining actually) and it blew my mind with its amazingness.  Less than six months later, it still holds up, especially the end.  Oh, gosh.  So good.

***

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We Belong: Chapter 34

340 words

3 minute read

SOMETHING’S WRONG

(Jesse)

It takes me a while to realize, because Lexie is so happy her candy is back, but something is wrong.  That night, in bed, she goes to sleep right away.  Or, I think she does.  Then I hear her sniffling and making crying noises.

“Lex?” I whisper.  “Are you okay?  Is it your legs?”

There’s a long pause.  “Yeah...but I’ll just go to sleep.  Don’t worry about it.”

I do worry, though.  The next day is Saturday and she doesn’t want to play that much.  She gets really mad when I eat the last of the Cocoa Pebbles.  

The last thing I want is for this to turn into the time when I waited two weeks to talk to Lexie.  I want her to talk to me and trust me, but I don’t know how to make her.

At my baseball game I can’t even concentrate on watching from sitting next to the bench.  All my thoughts are on Lexie.  She didn’t want to come to my game and she always wants to come to my games even if I’m bad, which I always am.

When we go get ice cream after the game, Lexie talks to everyone but me.  Mom, Dad and Seth.  Seth’s ice cream is melting all over his face, and his hands.  Then he puts his hands in his hair and it’s even worse.  He smiles.

[Image: Three kinds of ice cream cones]

“That’s good ice cream, right?” he asks.

“Yeah…” I say.

Seth shoves an ice creamy hand in my face.  “Not talking to you.  Only Lexie.  She’s my friend.”

I raise my eyebrows as Lexie looks away from me and points to a park out the window, talking to Seth all about it and ignoring me.

It’s the worst day.

Return to the Table of Contents

Question for Discussion:

Jesse says it feels like the worst day, being ignored by Lexie.  Have you ever been ignored?  How did it feel?

***

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We Belong: Chapter 33

177 words

1 minute read

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

(Lexie)

We don’t hear anything on the walkie-talkie for three minutes.  Then, four.  Then, five.  Then, there’s a knock at the door.  

“Lexie, Shane’s here!” Dad calls.

I hold my breath.  In a few seconds, Shane is standing in the doorway of the bedroom.  He comes in, closes the door and takes off his backpack.  

Then, I see it.  He takes out my candy and lays it on my bed.

“Mission accomplished,” Shane says proudly.

I give him the biggest hug ever.  

He hugs me, too, and then says, “I better go home before Connor is covered in glitter.”

[Image: Gold glitter]

“Thank you, Shane.  And tell Connor thanks, too!” I say.

“No problem.  What are friends for?” Shane asks, sending us a smile before he leaves again.

Return to the Table of Contents

Question for Discussion:

Have you ever come through for a friend like Shane does for Lexie?

Has a friend ever come through for you like that?  How did you feel?

***

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Books I've Read in 2020: 61-65

709 words

6 minute read

61.

Genre:  Fantasy

Disability Representation:  Yes (trauma)

Rating: 3/4 Wheels (Really liked it!)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary: The Dursleys were so mean and hideous that summer that all Harry Potter wanted was to get back to the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. But just as he's packing his bags, Harry receives a warning from a strange, impish creature named Dobby who says that if Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts, disaster will strike.

What I Thought: I read this for the first time in 2018 and found myself enjoying it even more now.  I appreciated the storyline and the writing and Dumbledore's words to Harry, that, in essence, no matter what evil touches you, it is your choices that determine who you are.

***

62.

Genre:  Children's Fiction

Disability Representation:  No.

Rating: 2/4 Wheels (Liked it)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary: Junie B. is the bestest spier in the whole world. That's 'cause she has sneaky feet. And her nose doesn't whistle when she breathes. But guess what? Junie B. might be real sneaky. And real peeky. But when she spies on Mrs., she could get into real trouble!

What I Thought: I liked this one and how it explored the novelty of a kid seeing their teacher outside the classroom.  I continue to appreciate how Mrs. and Principal are safe adults in Junie B's world and that they tell her the truth and own up to their mistakes.

***

63.

Genre:  Children's Fiction

Disability Representation:  No.

Rating: 2/4 Wheels (Liked it)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary: Meet the World's Funniest Kindergartner--Junie B. Jones! It's Carnival Night, and Lucille has already won a box of fluffy cupcakes with sprinkles on them. But when Junie B. wins the Cake Walk, she chooses the bestest cake of all--the one wrapped in sparkly aluminum foil. How was she to know it was a lethal weapon?

What I Thought: I liked this one...maybe not as much as others.  But I did laugh out loud when Junie B. worried the heavy fruitcake would turn her legs into "flattys."

***

64.

Genre:  Memoir

Disability Representation:  Yes.

Rating: 4/4 Wheels (LOVE it)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary: In Messenger, Mattie's mother, Jeni Stepanek, recounts the years before Mattie got sick; how he handled the loss of his siblings from the same disease he had; his decision to spread the message of peace and hope; and how, when he became a celebrity, Jeni helped to keep him grounded, and remember to embrace being a kid. Including never-before- seen poems, journal entries, photos, and correspondence with famous friends, Messenger is an inspirational book about a life lived to the fullest.

What I Thought: This is one of my all-time favorite books.  I've reread it a few times since its release in 2010, but it's a tough one to get through.  Mainly, I love the openness and honesty with which Jeni shared the reality of her situation and that of her kids.  I loved seeing how, though Mattie's life was very hard and full of medical and other kinds of uncertainty, he was beautifully emotionally supported.  I love the respect that so obviously existed between parent and child.  I loved seeing disability culture represented and so normalized in this book.

***

65.

Genre:  Children's Fiction

Disability Representation:  No.

Rating: 1/4 Wheels (It was OK)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Meet the World’s Funniest Kindergartner—Junie B. Jones! That meanie Jim has invited everyone in Room Nine to his birthday party on Saturday—except Junie B.! Should she have her own birthday party six months early and not invite Jim? Or should she move to It’s a Small World After All in Disneyland?

What I Thought: I found this one to be a little frustrating.  From Junie B's being left out of receiving an invitation -- which was Jim's prerogative -- and which could have been remedied by having the kids mail invitations and not give them out at school.  To Junie B. not being informed about what actually going to a birthday party would entail -- and kind of having that tossed back in her face by her mom.  ("This was your idea!")  I did like that she ended up doing what she wanted with her Saturday, though.

***

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We Belong: Chapter 32

687 words

5 minute read

CANDY RESCUE

(Lexie)

It’s Friday before we can get the Candy Rescue going.  Shane and Connor’s parents, (aunt Jodie and uncle Mike) want to have a date night.  Our parents are still busy with the new house and helping Jesse and me with therapy and taking care of Seth, so Connor and Shane have to go to uncle Craig and aunt Janice’s house...with Sophia.

(Lucky for us that means Shane and Connor are minutes away if they find the candy...unlucky for us...that means Sophia is also minutes away.  Ew.)

I hope they can resist Sophia’s bossiness, enough to stick to the plan.

I can’t stop staring at the clock in the kitchen.  As soon as we are done eating supper, Jesse and I excuse ourselves and go to his room.  We hear a weird noise, and Jesse’s eyes get big.

“Aliens…” he says.

I laugh, and point to his desk where the old set of walkie-talkies are that Dad gave us.  Jesse and I gave the other one to Connor and Shane a long time ago.  They sound weird and staticy and they are huge, like cell phones from the olden days.

[Image: Two black walkie talkies]

“Jesse and Lexie.  Come in.”  

“Connor!” We cheer, and Jesse grabs the walkie-talkie.  

“We’re here.  What do you see?” Jesse quizzes softly.

“I’m in her room.  It’s like a glitter bomb exploded in here.”

“Do you have the map?” I ask.

“Yeah.  Do you know how gross it is that you want me to check her dirty clothes hamper?  Would you seriously want to eat candy that was in there?” Connor asks.

I wrinkle my nose.  “You’re right.  Look in the other places, though.”

“Wait, how are we gonna get the candy out without Sophia knowing?” Connor asks.  

Jesse thinks a minute.  “Give it to Shane when you find it.  He’s allowed to walk here since it’s not dark yet.  But you have to distract Sophia.”

“How?” Connor sounds scared.

“Any way you can,” Jesse insists.

There are a few tense minutes where we wait for Connor to look under Sophia’s bed and in her closet.  Then I remember.  “Check her underwear drawer!  It’s where we hid ours!”

“Gross!  No way!” Connor exclaims.

“Be quiet!” Jesse insists.  “Listen, this is important.  Sophia is counting on you guys being too chicken to look there, but you’re not chicken.  You’re brave.  You’re super brave right?  You’re starting first grade this year.”

“Yeah, okay…” Connor takes a deep breath.

“They’re clean if they’re in the drawer, so you can touch them, and move them around,” I add.

“I got those things from the drawer in the kitchen, you know that you flip hot dogs with on the grill?  So, I can totally pick up her girly undies no problem!”

“You got barbecue tongs?” Jesse laughs.

“Guys, stop joking around!  You have to hurry before Sophia finds you,” I insist.

“She won’t.  Shane’s doing her hair.  He promised to keep her busy until I’m back," Connor reassures us.

There’s a big burst of static and Jesse and I look at each other.

“I’m in.  You guys, there’s about a million of girls’ underwear inside here...” Connor’s voice says over the walkie-talkie.  He sounds breathless.. Like he just broke into a vault with hidden treasures.  I hope he finds my hidden candy.

“I got it!” Connor says too loudly.  

“Okay, be quiet!” Jesse shushes him.

“Tell Shane to come here, like nothing big is going on, okay?  Everything’s normal.  Then give him the candy, and the walkie-talkie and you go distract Sophia.

“Doing what?”

“Tell her you want her to do your hair!” I blurt.

“That’s a terrible idea…” Connor whines softly.

“It’s just for long enough so Shane can drop off the candy.  You’re awesome Connor, okay, and you’re the best, but we still need you.  Now can you do this?  For the candy?” Jesse asks.

Connor takes a deep breath.  “Okay.”

Return to the Table of Contents

Question for Discussion:

Have you ever talked on walkie talkies like Lexie, Jesse and Connor?

***

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We Belong: Chapter 31

346 words

3 minute read

THE PLAN

(Lexie)

Jesse promises he didn’t take my candy.  

“I forgot you moved yours in there.  I bet Sophia has it.”

“Great!  I’ll never get it back now!”

“Yes you will,” Jesse nods confidently.  “We’ll make a plan.”

We spend all night working on it.  

Jesse draws a map of what Sophia’s cabin looks like and all of the places she could have hidden the candy.  I draw one of Sophia’s house, and especially her bedroom, even though I know for sure uncle Craig and aunt Janice don’t allow her to have food in her room.  (Mom and Dad don’t usually let us either, but the candy from Grandma is an exception, - Mom just decided - so Seth doesn’t see it and cry about not getting any.)  I finish the map of her house and stare at all the places I colored in red.  There are six just in her room.  That candy could be anywhere.

I’m very worried.  I have seen Sophia on Halloween.  I know how fast she can eat candy.  She always gets a stomach ache but says she doesn’t care.  I don’t know how that’s possible.  I always care if I get a stomach ache.

[Image: A green Jack-O-Lantern bucket full of Halloween candy]

“The map is good, but how are we going to find the candy before she eats it all?”

“Connor and Shane!  Think about it!  They’ve been at her cabin and her house more than we have.  Shane could distract her and Connor could look for the candy,” Jesse says loudly.

“At her house and her cabin?” I ask doubtfully.

“No, but she hasn’t been to her cabin today and she’s not going until the weekend, so all we have to do is have Shane and Connor find it before she leaves for the cabin!” Jesse says, like it’s really simple.

I'm not so sure.

Return to the Table of Contents

Question for Discussion:

Do you think Lexie's candy is at Sophia's cabin, Sophia's house, or somewhere else?

***

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Books I've Read in 2020: 56-60

596 words

5 minute read

56.

Genre:  Anthology

Disability Representation:  Yes.

Rating: 1/4 Wheels (It was OK)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Mattie was working on this manuscript with Jimmy Carter when he died in June 2004. His mother, Jeni, who edited the material and wrote a preface for the book has published it at her son's request. Just Peace explores Mattie's concept of the world and all people as a unique mosaic of gifts. War and injustice shatter the mosaic, which can only be made whole again by planning and actively pursuing peace. The young visionary's essays, poetry, and photographs appear throughout the book. Jimmy Carter has written a special foreword for the book.

What I Thought:  This is a different kind of book, and a lot of the essays were a bit beyond my level.  I did very much enjoy the email correspondences between Mattie and President Carter, as well as Mattie's own introduction to the book / his own autobiography in his own words.

***

57.

Genre:  Poetry

Disability Representation:  Yes.

Rating: 4/4 Wheels (Gotta have confidence in my own stuff, right?)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Beauty for Ashes is a collection of poetry exploring themes including faith, grief and overcoming.

What I Thought:  I hadn't read this in a while, and seeing it again really opened my eyes to a lot of the trauma that was just below the surface for me.  Poetry allowed me a vehicle to give words to it, even before I was ready to truly face it.

***

58.

Genre:  Poetry

Disability Representation:  Yes.

Rating: 4/4 Wheels (Gotta have confidence in my own stuff, right?)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Some Bright Morning is a book about choosing to live with hope and celebrating people.  It contains a resounding theme that we are not defined by what happens to us, but by how we choose to view our circumstances.

What I Thought:  This was another really interesting one to look back on.  I really did enjoy rereading some of this.  Poems like No Less Now and Past Life, Come Over and Make It Real really leapt out at me.

***

59.

Genre:  Children's Fiction

Disability Representation:  No.

Rating: 4/4 Wheels (Loved it!)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Junie B.'s having a rough week. First she got punishment for shooting off her mouth in kindergarten. And now she's in big trouble again! 'Cause Monday is Job Day, and Junie B. told her class that she's got the bestest job of all. Only, what the heck is it?

What I Thought:  I really enjoyed this book, especially the fact that Mrs. spoke up for Junie B. and her chosen profession.  I love that Junie B. knew and articulated to the class that girls could do any job boys could do.  I love how deeply Junie B. thought about which job would encapsulate all the things she loved.  (And I LOVED that Jamal Hall's job choice was president of the United States!)

***

60.

Genre:  Middle Grade Fiction

Disability Representation:  No.

Rating: 2/4 Wheels (Liked it!)

Excerpt of GoodReads Summary:  Every summer the Pikes rent a house right on the ocean in Sea City, New Jersey. And they bring two sitters along to take care of the Pike kids. Only this time, the whole entire Baby-sitters Club is going!

What I Thought:  We found this one recently at the bottom of a bag.  (Hence, the picture of the original.)  One of a couple books we still have from childhood.  It was really sweetly nostalgic, and I enjoyed it.

***

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